The Sleepless Book Reviews [CLOSED FOR CATCHUP)

Empress of the Sea by Navy-Knight825 - Reviewed by SkyShadow11

Username: Navy-Knight825
Title: Empress of the Sea
Genre: Fantasy
Amount of reviewed chapters: 20
Reviewer: SkyShadow11

You asked me to be blunt, so....I didn't pull any punches. Won't apologize. 

1. Title
Your title is good, if not a bit vague. It accurately reflects the story and genre while piquing interest, so no comment there. 

2. Cover
As with your title, your cover is good and eye-catching. It's consistent, has a nice color scheme, and suits the story very well. 

3. Description 
Your description is almost perfect. Brief dialogue to serve as a hook, character introduction, plot, and conflict. However, the end is where it gets contradictory. The description sets up Sehyun as the antagonist, yet the very last line dumps in, "a more powerful foe than Sehyun" with no further explanation. 

The blurb is supposed to set up the main conflict and plot, not the first obstacle. If this powerful foe is the antagonist, then talk about him instead of Sehyun. I get that the tension between Sehyun and Aeryn is a main focus of this story, but you need to work out who your real antagonist is and introduce him early on. You haven't divulged nearly enough information to get readers interested in them, even after reading through the entire story so far. 

(Also: Sehyun's ship is not the Black Swan, it's the Black Egret. Make sure to be consistent between your description and story). 

4. Plot
Your plot, although passable, seems more like a series of only slightly connected events. We start with several time jumps from Aeryn's perspective, from working with Sheries to the island with Erel to Aeryn having her own ship....all of these are part of her backstory, not part of the plot. Sure, some plot-relevant things happen, but not enough to merit their own scenes. Yes, they do develop Aeryn's character, but that's its own problem I will be covering in the Characters section. 

First issue with plot the reason why Sehyun seeks out Aeryn. He signed a contract with Sarah, who killed herself because of Sheries and wanted revenge on him and his crew. The only problem I have with that is that she wants Aeryn dead too, which doesn't make sense as they had no conflict with one another. The only explanation I see is that Sarah just forgot to mention Aeryn, which is a cheap way to fabricate conflict. And when Sehyun goes against his contract by sparing Aeryn, nothing happens spare for the mole on his skin. Why are there are no consequences?

Next, Aeryn's quest for the Tiger's Ruby. It's the only conflict tied to her character, and how does it progress? Well, she gets its location from Erel and...that's it. She knows where it is now. Then, Sehyun gets in her way and now they have to go to a wedding and they get attacked and...where is the relevancy here? Not only did Aeryn and Sehyun both attend the wedding because they just happen to be personally invited (which also feels kinda cheap not gonna lie), but we don't even have a reason to care about the wedding in the first place. It's an event with no stakes, no consequence, spare for the unexplained attack at the end. 

Another plot point that confused me was Sehyun's encounter with that one ship whose Captain babbled about the Empress and Poseidon's daughter. It's the given reason for why Sehyun attended the wedding, but there's literally no connection between the wedding and the Empress that the readers are told about. And once it happens, it's never mentioned again.

I also want to say; it's pretty thinly veiled that the story Erel tells Aeryn is about her and Sehyun, which kinda spoils the ending. I don't know if you're going to follow through with having them both die at the end, but if you are, you might not want to advertise it. 

So...your plot could use some work.

5. Writing
Your writing, overall, is pretty good. You have some awkwardly worded sentences and the flow is a bit clumsy, but most of your grammar and dialogue is good. 
One thing you could improve on is more description of settings and locations. I have trouble picturing characters and background, so the story is hard to visualize and get drawn into. Make sure to use all the senses in your descriptions, too. Smell, hearing, touch....all these things make the story so much more tangible and easier to get drawn into. 

6. Characters 
The main problem with Aeryn is her entire character arc happens before the plot. Her rise from an underpaid girl working on Sheries's ship to becoming the captain of her own ship is the only change she undergoes as a character, and it happens too early. She should be changing as a person because of the plot, not the other way around. 

Another problem is her motivation. The sole reason she wants the Tiger's Ruby is to get revenge on Sheries for what he did to her. Except... Sheries is already dead. So why does she want the Ruby? She knows it's dangerous and she knows Sehyun is defending it, so why would she have any interest in risking the lives of her crew for such a petty reason? That doesn't seem like something she would do. If Sheries was still alive, then yeah, that's perfectly understandable. But he's not. He's dead. 

Not only that, but we feel detached from her sad backstory because much of it happens through exposition. The only part that really struck me were the rope bed and Sarah's suicide, because they were the only real scenes we got.  

Meanwhile, Sehyun doesn't have much backstory at all, and it's pretty clear he has no personal motivation for protecting the Ruby other than, "it's dangerous." That means that the entire conflict between him and Aeryn over the Ruby has no stakes or reason why we should care about it. As so, the rivalry between them falls flat. 

7. Overall
This story has a lot of potential. The concept is solid, but it lacks creativity, plot, and flow. Your writing style is good, but it doesn't make up for the other problems. I do get the feeling you really only care about the relationship between Aeryn and Sehyun, as the rest of the story is merely a means in which to develop them. In some circumstances, that's fine; but in yours, crucial elements of your story are faltering because of it. I would suggest stepping back from them and focusing on the rest, as it's necessary to create a good story and will only enhance what you already have. 

Keep working on it, and good luck!