Alexandra Verlino

Ep 19: Bereavement

We reached Jung Soo's house after a while, travelling by Mr. Jung's car. During the journey I didn't even talk much. There're still some gloomy feelings all around. I catch a glimpse of Mr. Jung putting his hand together, probably praying for my late father. I don't have the strength to ask him about the funeral. I know he will settle it all out nicely. Deep inside my heart, I can still feel the warmth of my dad's hand last night when we were talking inside my room. Also the looks he gave to me before I left this morning. I thought it was already a long day when I figured the truth about myself, but now that I faced the second incident, I can feel like the day is never going to end. I don't know if I can even sleep tonight. There's so much heartache to take in. I am being honest that I still haven't able to move on from the first truth I found out. The second one comes a bit too fast that I don't have time to properly comprehend on it.

I still haven't been able to tell Ji Yong that I'm staying with Jung Soo tonight. I don't want to disturb him while he's working. His concert is really within few hours. He should get all the rest he needed. Being such a nuisance is not in my nature. If possible I would want to just bring my family and stay somewhere else like a hotel or something. I am willing to let Jung Soo brings my family to stay with his family because I think they better of staying together so they can protect each other. More man means more strength to defense and fight if needed. And me, I don't remember how I promised Jung Soo to stay with him tonight. Maybe I made the promise while I was thinking about something else, not focusing on my current conversation.

I step my foot out from the car, thanking Mr. Jung and his bodyguard. Jung Soo already waiting for me at the entrance. I walk slowly as I feel like my foot doesn't reach the ground on my every step. He didn't wait to come and help carry my carrier and grab my backpack for me. I was about to refuse him, but he's determined to carry them for me. I send a brittle smile as a gesture of thanks. My voice really won't be able to produce words right now. They are all stuck somewhere in this vast universe. He shows me the way to the lift, and then press the number as we go up.

"Have you eat dinner?" he breaks the silence.

It took longer to reply. I really seem to not able to focus on my surrounding. All I was doing is to analyze the space we are in. The square, almost rectangular box we are standing in has a very shiny door, almost as if they are new. I realize he's looking, so I gain my energy and took a breath before answering.

"Yes."

One word. Short enough as I really feel exhausted after that one simple reply. He must have been guessing that I ate with Mr. Jung, as he saw him sending me to him. I really hate the loud silence afterwards. There's only two of us inside this lift. My usual self would have been screaming to ask how's his doing, and if works are fine. Today I just...become the dead silence Stella. Another phase of me that no one ever seen before. He had no idea about what the truth is. In fact, no one else did. They can only guessed that I am mourning my dad's death. At least that will keep them silent for a while, before they bombarded me with more questions. Questions that I have no idea if I ever want to answer. Questions that I think would be better of buried somewhere in their mind and thought. Questions I wish never exist in the first place.

The lift opens as we reach his floor. I really don't look at the number, but just follow him to his place. This isn't the first time I come here, but this time I feel like a stranger. Like he just scoops this messy beggar somewhere on the street and show mercy because he is the type to show his kindness to everyone. Yes, a beggar is what I am right now. Too much happens and I already lost so much within few hours. I don't know if I can take even one more shock tonight. I pray that this is the end of my misery. Of everyone's misery. Enough is enough. I will have to fight for everyone's right. I don't know exactly how, but I am going to find a way out. For everyone. Once and for all. They should have not establish those stupid rules at all. What's with making everyone's work with their life on the line? What's with making sure no one will leave so that they can get more money out of the groups? What's with killing or amputated ones arms just because they want to leave this hell that is already on fire? We are all born free. So why slaves those people like a dog? The more I think, the more my head starts to ache. I can feel the thump on my head as I am holding and rubbing my forehead, trying to reduce the tension.