Embers

~16~ Accusations

Ellie's POV

I don't have many friends...I never have. Talking to people and getting them to like me has always been easy. Opening up to people enough to let them in, isn't.

Growing up I had my twin brother, Justin. We were inseparable most of our childhood, and until he moved away 5 years ago, we stayed close. But he wasn't a friend; He was my brother.

Alex was my only true friend. My best friend. But getting knocked up by him, and then realizing we couldn't make our romantic relationship work, did damage our friendship. Neither of us want to admit that, but it did. I've never had a true girlfriend. Someone I could confide in. Someone who didn't judge me. Girls never really liked me. I'm not sure why; maybe I just don't relate well to them.

I had a friend growing up named Mia. I guess she was the closest thing to a girlfriend that I had. Once I got pregnant, though, she never spoke to me again. She couldn't be around someone who had such a bad reputation, or so she told me. That broke my heart into a million pieces.

Fast forward to a month ago when I met Megan—I wouldn't call us "best friends" yet, but we will be. She is the purest, kindest soul that I have ever met. She's the piece in my life that I've been looking for. I just found her. I can't lose her. Not after only a month. That's why I did what I did. If I'm being totally honest, I didn't do it for Megan. I did it for me. I need her in my life. I need her as a best friend.

As I walk to Ryder's office, I just keep replaying that over and over. I don't care what happens. I have to protect Megan. As I walk, I feel Taylor's presence behind me. I know that he doesn't agree with what I did, but that's ok. He has nothing to do with it.

"I want the officers from each team in the office too," Jones booms.

Oh great, now I'm going to have an entourage watching me as I get my ass chewed out. Preston was already following behind me, but after her order, Greene and Whitman get up and follow us into the office too.

We all file in, and Ryder shuts the door. The air is thick and the tension is high. None of us speak. We all just stare at Jones as she reads the file she has in her hands. She's taken over Ryder's desk, and is flipping through the file wordlessly.

While we wait for Jones to speak, Whitman goes to stand in the far right corner, trying to be out of the line of fire as much as possible. Greene stands next to me on my left, as Ryder goes to stand next to his desk. Taylor takes his spot by the window on the left.

The silence continues, and I just stand there totally still. It's awkward. It's heavy. I should probably sit in the chair that's right in front of the desk, but I don't. I just stand there behind the chair.

Greene continues to stand next to me—That's the only comfort I have right now. I'll have to thank him for that later. He could have taken the other empty seat, but he doesn't. He stands there, doing what he can for me.

"So, Freeman" Jones begins.

Here we go

"I hadn't really looked through your file yet, but it's very interesting. This isn't your first time being in trouble like this, is it?" She asks, thoroughly enjoying herself.

"No, ma'am it's not," I say, matter of fact. This lady is NOT going to intimidate me.

I see Taylor out of the corner of my eye, raising his eyebrows; He wasn't expecting that.

"Why don't you tell me about it?" She continues, as she tries not to smile.

"I'm not really sure why that's necessary, ma'am. Everything you need to know about that incident is written, verbatim, in the file you're holding."

I'm not going to make this easy. I'm not going to beg. I'm not going to cry. She wants to humiliate me, she's going to have to work for it.

Chief Ryder puts his hand on his forehead. He knows what happened. He's tried to protect me this whole time by keeping everybody else out of it. Now all three Lieutenants are going to know.

She clears her throat and starts again. "Well, it says here, verbatim, that you killed a man."

Silence. The room is silent. Greene visibly stiffens next to me. Whitman lets out an audible gasp, and Preston's mouth falls open slightly as he stares at me.

"If that's what your report says, then I'm sure it's true." I snap

"Ellie," Ryder cautions. He can see me starting to lose my cool.

"I want you to explain it. They let you continue working, and I want to know why."

"With all due respect, ma'am, that matter has been closed for over 5 years. I don't see why that is relevant to this case."

"It's relevant, because apparently you're better at killing your patients than you are at keeping them alive. From where I'm sitting, you're more of a liability at this point," she says, leaning back in the chair.

"Yeah well, let's make sure the patient's heart stops beating before we sign the death certificate, shall we?" I say, my tone icy at this point.

"You haven't answered my question," she continues. "Why did you kill him?" Her eyes are starting to blaze.

"Ma'am, I'm not obligated to tell you about that. You want to know the details, you can call over to the precinct and get the file. My middle name is Jane, if that helps you find it any easier." Do I really have to tell her? I'm actually not sure. At this point I'm just stalling.

She stares at me for a good minute. The silence is so loud, I can count the ticks on the clock. 61 ticks later and she talks again.

"Nothing is determined at this point. We are waiting to see if Mr. Reynolds survives. If he doesn't survive, you will be brought up on charges of negligence. In that case, you need to get your union rep involved. If he does survive, we will discuss the disciplinary actions with you then. For now you are excused."

That's it? Huh. I expected it to go a lot worse.

I nod once, turn around, and leave. I don't stop walking until I'm outside. I pass everyone on my way out. No one says a word, but everyone watches me. This must be how a fish in a tank feels. Maybe I should do a trick.

Once I'm outside I can breathe. I want to cry, but I'm not giving her the satisfaction. I'll cry tomorrow after shift. When I'm alone.

I rest my head on the brick wall, and stay like that for a long time.

A while later, I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I jump. Taylor is kneeling down, eye level with me, staring into my eyes. His eyes are soft. He's worried about me. That feels nice; Having someone worried about me.

"Jones is gone," he says softly. "Ryder wants to see you in his office again."

I sigh as I say "ok" and start to stand up. Taylor stands up first and holds out his hand to help me up. I take it. His hand feels nice in mine. It's rough. Worn. Years and years of manual labor has made it that way. I suddenly wish he could hold my hand for longer. Once I'm up, however, he lets it drop.

I follow him back to the office.

Greene and Whitman are still in there with Ryder. Preston closes the door behind us, as he takes his place back by the window.

Ryder starts speaking right away. "As far as the incident today, I'm done talking about that. I know what really happened. I'm proud of you Ellie," he says. That surprises me. What does he want to talk about if it's not the incident then?

"I didn't push the issue with Jones here. That woman is a snake. But now that we're alone, I'm going to. Ellie, I know you've noticed that we're all a family here. We all love you. We all want what's best for you."

"Ellie girl, now that it's on the table, you need to tell these three men what happened."