Embers

~7~ Helpless

Taylor's POV

It's 9:00 pm. The house is starting to quiet down for the night, and people are starting to settle into doing whatever they want.

Not me.

I got so wrapped up in staring at Ellie the last few hours, that I really need to get some paperwork done. I go into my office and start working on my files.

My office, as well as Greene's office and Whitman's office (the Lieutenant on Engine) is in the same room as where everyone sleeps. It's not a ton of privacy, but I still prefer it that way. It's not as lonely, and I still feel a part of the group.

Doing paperwork is monotonous, but I start getting into a rhythm quickly. I leave my door open, so my guys know that they can come talk to me whenever they need. I only ever shut it if I'm needing to talk to someone privately.

I get on the second page of the file I'm working on, when I hear Ellie's voice. She is speaking low, but she has a firm, no nonsense tone to it. I glance over my shoulder to see what's going on.

"Mom, its 9:00, there's no way I'm gonna fall asleep," Liam says in a respectful, but slightly whiny tone.

"I don't care Liam. This is part of your punishment. For the next three weeks, your bedtime is at 9:00. This is the only bed that's left so you're going to have to take this one."

She glances in my direction, and then quickly back to Liam. Unfortunately for all of us, the bed that is Liam's, is the bed directly in front of my office. I don't think Ellie knew I was in here. I have a sneaking suspicion that if she would have known, she wouldn't have enforced a bedtime tonight.

Liam huffs as he carefully sits down on the bed. Ellie sits next to him, and covers him up. Such a normal mom thing to do, I think to myself.

She leans over and kisses his cheek. "I love you Liam, but I'm so upset with you. You and I will be having another discussion tomorrow when we get home."

His eyes get wide as he gawks at her. "You can't be serious!" He says as he starts to raise his voice.

She holds up her hand. "I haven't decided what your punishment will be yet, but I do know that you're not over it yet," says as she stands up to leave. She takes three steps away from him, pauses, and turns around slowly.

"I wasn't kidding when I said that if you have anything else you need to tell me, to do it now."

He just looks silently at her, and then lays down to go to sleep. Ellie sighs, but quietly leaves the room.

With my light on, glaring right in front of him, I figured the kid would never fall asleep. So, I give up on my paperwork, and shut off my light as I head to the kitchen area to get a cup of coffee.

Once there I notice Ellie sitting at a table with a Megan, Greene, Diego, and Keegan.

"So Freeman, tell me. There's no judgement here. What did ya do to your boy to get him to cry like that?" Keegan asks.

Of course, leave it to Keegan to be blunt and to the point.

Ellie looks un-phased and totally at ease. "Well, Keegan, what are your theories?" She asks in a somewhat condescending tone.

I sip on my coffee as I quietly go over to the table to sit next to Keegan. Curiosity is burning hotter than the coffee mug I'm holding.

"I think you spanked him," Keegan says, completely serious.

The room gets quiet. Nobody looks at anybody, everybody's eyes are on the ground.

"I did spank him. I'm sorry if you guys disagree with it. It's a very controversial subject. I had hoped to make it as discreet as possible, but apparently I didn't," Ellie said matter-of-fact. Unashamed.

Keegan breaks the silence. "Like I said, there's no judgement here. I was just curious. You're a tough lady, ya know that kid? He's lucky to have you as a mom." 

Ellie smiles as she looks around the table. Her eyes touch every face except for mine. Why is that? Why won't she even look at me?

After another moment, the atmosphere goes back to normal. It's evident that Keegan's right. Nobody's judging her for her decision. Whether they agree or not, nobody says. There is, however, a mutual respect. This firehouse is a safe place.

Ten minutes later, Liam walks out to the common area to find his mom.

"Mom, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, bud."

All eyes are on Liam as he shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot, and takes a deep breath. He stares right into her eyes as he confesses.

"There's something I haven't been honest about. Once you go through my phone, it's only a matter of time before you figure it out...Every night that I stay with dad, I sneak out and go hang out with friends,"Liam says in a rush.

Ellie, snaps her teeth together and stares hard at Liam. "What are you doing with your friends?"

After Liam only looks at her, she prods:

"Are you drinking?"

"Yes"

"Drugs?"

"Sometimes"

"Sex?"

"Sometimes," he barely whispers as he looks down at the ground.

"How long has this been going on?" She asks quietly.

After a moment he answers her "Every time I have been at dads for the last two months."

"Have you ever snuck out when you were at my house?"

"No"

"Why?" She questions, confused by his answer.

"Because it's easy to sneak out of dads. He's a sound sleeper."

After a long moment she finally answers. "Ok, you can go to bed now."

Liam's eyes widen. You can tell he was fully expecting to feel the wrath of his mom. Her calm demeanor has shook him. He turns around silently and goes back to bed.

Once he leaves, Ellie puts her head in her hands. There's no sound, but the way her shoulders are moving, you can tell she's crying. Megan wraps her arms around her and they silently stay like that for a while.

It was all I could do not to go over there and hold her myself. This is the second time today I've felt helpless. Normally I'm the one running into fires and saving people. I'm not used to watching people suffer and doing nothing. I can't stand it anymore. I get up from the table and go outside.

I need some fresh air: The feeling of helplessness is getting stuffy.