h•a•i•k•y•u•u Angst Oneshots

💙Iwaoi💚

"Maybe if I never knew you... maybe it wouldn't be like this..."

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Oikawa and Iwaizumi. That's how it had always been, if one of them was there, so was the other. If one of them knew something, the other knew as well.

All until now.

"Leave me alone, you're too clingy shittykawa"

Maybe he'd taken those words a bit too seriously... maybe he'd gone past what Iwa meant.

But he'd reached his breaking point.

Oikawa's POV

I walked home alone after practice. That's what he wanted... right?

He got home, took a shower and layed on his bed.

Iwa-chan... can I still call him that? Iwaizumi was probably really confused... of course he doesn't know anything...

He doesn't know about my anxiety... Or depression

I'd always had them both... in grade school I'd get bullied for looking too girly and not having muscle, Iwa-... Iwaizumi never knew about it though... that's when I first got anxiety, and when I first had a panic attack...

"You're so wimpy.., are you sure you're a boy?"

"Hey why don't we take his pants off and check??"

"P-please don't"

Then it all went blank, I couldn't see, I couldn't feel and all I knew was that I could hear screaming and crying... from myself... my nails dug into my skin and drew blood, I fell to my knees and put my head to the ground and almost blacked out....

That was just a mild panic attack, the ones I get now are much worse... I can control when they happen now though... I'll get a heavy feeling inside my chest and my vision will start to blur... I usually make up an excuse to go to the bathroom or something then come back when it's over... when I have really bad ones, I'll say I got sick and had to go home... which isn't a lie.

My mom knows, she's the only reason I haven't gone fully insane yet. She knows everything about me, she's almost my best friend more so than my mom. My dad died years ago... that's the cause of my depression, I'd like to think I'm over his death and that depression came from other things like.... Iwaizumi not loving me back...

I've been getting therapy but all my therapist does is flirt with me, never anything that helps... it only makes me uncomfortable really... I'm gay if that wasn't clear yet. I can't stand it when she does that.... I haven't worked up the courage to tell my mom, she has her own issues...

I have hallucinations too... that's the only thing my mom doesn't know about... I can see weird things sometimes... I see a lot during my panic attacks... I see everyone around me as theseen tall red streaks with creepy smiles and no other facial or body features. It's terrifying... if I'm having a bad day or feel cornered I see everyone looking at me laughing when they aren't even paying attention to me.