Winchester or Angel?

11. Grief

Earlier tonight, I had waited a few minutes after entering Dean and I for a duet before I entered my name for a solo. By having that gap, I'll get some time to rest while a few other people perform, and I'll get to talk with Dean for a bit.

When we get back to the booth, Dean surprises me by being the first to speak. "Did you enjoy that as much as I did? That was amazing. I really loved singing with you."

"That was truly amazing. Thank you for taking me out of the motel, date or otherwise. It's a nice break from all the stress and grief I've been feeling." I attempt to imbue every ounce of meaning and value I can in that expression of gratitude.

"Grief? But Erin is coming back. Why are you still feeling grief?" Dean asks.

I take a deep breath before replying. "I still lost her. Losing her also brought up old feelings of grief from losing my family and boyfriend all those years ago."

"Ah, I get it." Dean acknowledges.

"I feel like I have been talking so much since I met you, and like you know me so well, but I hardly know you." I can't believe I'm only now realizing this.

"Well, you know everything about me, don't you? Haven't you read the Supernatural books?" Dean seems to deflate as he remembers the books.

"No. I only read one. I skimmed through parts here and there throughout the series, but I didn't actually read past book one." Dean perks up at my words, making me think he is delighted at the fact that I don't already know everything about him.

He must have some bad experience with that.

"Well, I guess I'll have to give you a summary."

Dean gives me a rough summary of his life thus far, taking 20 minutes to do so.

Right as he finishes up, my name is called on the loud speakers.

"Alexandra Ramirez."

I stand from our table, watching the surprised look on Dean's face. "Looks like I'm up."

"I don't know why I'm surprised. This is so like you." Dean gives me 'the smile'. "Break a leg."

~*~*~

"I'd like to dedicate this song to the people I've lost. My mom, dad, little brother, boyfriend, and more recently, my best friend. I miss you."

I take a deep breath, sit on the stool I brought up with me, and begin the song.

"I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone."

I pour my heart and soul into this song, as it rings so true for me it hurts.

"These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me."

I can feel tears burning behind my eyes.

"You used to captivate me by your resonating light

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face-it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice-it chased away all the sanity in me"

I begin to raise my voice as I feel the words on a spiritual level.

"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along."

At this point, I am sure everyone can tells I'm crying, singing through the tears.

"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

...me, me, me."

The song ends, and I look up. I try to search the audience for Dean, but instead I find a different familiar face.

We make eye contact, and I know.

It's time.

She's back.