your static voice beside mine

by accident or on purpose

Josh is completely taken aback by this. Out of everything he expected to hear, he never thought he'd hear this.

"Wha- who is this? Are you ok?" Josh rushes his words as he paces around the room with panic.

"Oh. I must have the wrong number. Sorry. I'll go."

Josh was beyond confused and worried. The voice sounded strangled and defeated, almost as if the person was holding back tears.

And he was right. The boy, almost the same age as Josh, was sitting in his room, staring up at his ceiling as he laid on his back. He didn't want to cry, so he buried his feelings down and tried to calm himself by counting stars outside his window. It seemed to be working.

"Wait! Don't go!" Josh doesn't know why he says this, but the words just come out.

"I don't want to waste your time," the boy says with a tinge of sadness.

"I'd be angry with myself if I let you go without at least trying to help," Josh countered.

"Well...alright I guess." He sounds uneasy, almost like the task of talking to Josh is daunting.

There's a charged silence between them as Josh searches for the right words to say.

"Who were you trying to call?" he finally settles on asking.

"My therapist. Well, I shouldn't be calling them in the first place. It's after hours, and I'm only supposed to call if it's an emergency."

"This sounds like an emergency to me!" Josh almost laughs at the absurdity of the kid's statement.

"It's not like I was gonna do anything," the boy defends as he crosses his arms. "At least not tonight. They're just thoughts after all."

"The fact that you're having them in the first place isn't exactly good either," Josh says as he sits back down on the couch.

"You don't know how many times I've heard that one before."

Josh is unsure to prod any deeper with this kid. Should he even be talking to him? He's not in any place to offer help. He can barely even help himself, so who is he to talk? That pressure from earlier returns, this time focusing on his chest.

"You must know your therapist pretty well to have their personal cell," Josh inquires.

"Nah. I mean I guess it sounds that way. I think she just worries about me...doing something."

That slight pause at the end of his sentence sets Josh on edge. He knows the feeling of being watched with all eyes on you. Like people don't really care about you, but they care about what happens to you. Not your wellbeing, but their responsibility.

"Oh. I understand," Josh says slowly.

"I don't know if I'd ever go through with it if that's what you're thinking. I just-" the boy tries to force out the words but gives up. "Nevermind. I don't want to bore you."

"Bore me? When someone says the things that you've said it's pretty hard to stay bored."

The boy's silence is telling, so Josh tries to take a different approach.

"Look, I don't know who you are. You have complete anonymity here. You can trust me."

"Ok."

Josh hears the kid take a deep breath before he begins.

"I just...I always think about what it would be like if I...ended it. You know? I think that being suspended in nothingness would be better than continuous pain. I mean, what's the point of even living? You don't know if one day everything you've worked for will be for nothing. You don't know if you'll lose everything you have, " he says point blank, very matter-of-fact. "I just don't know what it's all for. What do I have to keep me here?"

"You live for the people you meet, and the places you'll go with them, and the memories that you'll make. You live for your family and your friends. You live for me-"

"You?" the boy laughs. "I don't even know you!"

"But you've poured out your soul to me. Doesn't that count as something?"

Josh usually isn't so articulate with his words, always stumbling and stuttering and worrying about the right thing to say. But tonight, something came over him. He didn't even think about half the things he said before they spilled out of him. Deep conversation can have that effect on a person.

"I guess you're right. I'm not used to people listening to me," the kid says as he replays unpleasantries in his head. He takes a hesitant second before he continues. "Thank you."

"For what?" Josh asks, confused.

"For listening. It really helped me sort out some things more than my actual therapist ever could," he says plainly.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should. Well I should go now. Thanks again." He reaches to end the call.

"Wait-" Josh blurts out, though he doesn't know where he is going with this or what he will say.

"Yeah?"

"Can you call again? Tomorrow night? I just...I'd be upset if I didn't check in on you."

"Like I said, you barely know me," the kid says dismissively.

"Well that can change!" Josh says with hope dripping from his tongue like honey. His voice is soothing and hypnotic, and the boy reconsiders.

"I guess there's no harm in that."

Just as Josh is about to say his goodbyes, he stops himself once more.

"You never mentioned your name. I'm Josh, by the way."

The boy's breath hitches, almost like it's been caught in a net. He calms himself as his hands slightly twitch.

"Call me Johnny."