Gonna Fly Now

Chapter Thirty-Five - No Running

The confusion was an understatement. She could see it on his face as he looked away from her, taking it in.

- Please, don't hate me for not saying before. It's a complicated situation and... I don't know, I guess, I was scared to say anything.

Derek sat down at the kitchen island, rubbing his hand over his face.

- I didn't mean to lie for this long but... the longer I waited, the harder it got.

It was almost midnight and she was exhausted, but now she had to tell him the full story. It couldn't wait any longer.

- After I moved here, I met Jason. We were going out for a year and then I got pregnant. I never told him. And before it would show too much, I sent him to prison. I was scared to tell him and of what he'd do. I went back to Texas to give birth and I did. I stayed there for a while before I brought her with me back to New York.

It was painful memories. The whole situation became painful.

- When she was one, child protective services got involved and they came and got her. And because she was signed in Arlington, they brought her all the way back there. They saw me as unfit because I was single, a fighter, not earning that much money and because I had a medical record that said I had tried to commit suicide twice when I was a teenager. So they took her and they've kept her ever since.

She had been away from her mom for four years. She only had her in her own care for one year.

- She's five now. She's in a foster family. I guess, they do a good job looking after her.

- She knows you then?

- Yeah. They let me visit now and then. I've been visiting for four years and they make notes. Notes over four years and they still won't give her to me. I visit and she comes running, every time. And then I have to leave her. Anyway, that's where I went on Christmas when I disappeared for a few hours.

Every time she went off on her own and didn't tell him, that was where she went.

- You know, that time I had to leave and I said it was something about Andy. It was social services, granting me visiting for her fifth birthday. That was why I was in a rush. And when I came back, I was... down. Because it hurts to leave her. And it hurts her too. She's five and she doesn't remember ever living with me. They let her stay with me for a week once when I went home for Christmas. But yeah, obviously not the last one.

- That was why you couldn't answer right away if I was allowed to come.

- Yeah.

- Why not last time?

- I don't know, they didn't think it was a good idea or something. They make the calls.

Derek nodded and looked away from her again.

- I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I warned you that you might run when we first met, once you got to know me.

He chuckled and stood from the chair.

- I ain't running. Jason still doesn't know about her?

- No.

- What do you think he'd do if he did?

- I don't know. But I don't want him anywhere near her.

She was sure Jason didn't want anything to do with her. But he was unpredictable. Although, she hadn't seen him in a year. He had just disappeared out of her life.

- What is it you have to do in order to get her back?

- They said, get a job and a home. Have a steady income and a stable life.