letters to the unknown

letter, II

stranger,

after a whole week of contemplation, i decided to write again.

i hope you don't think of me as some kind of a parasite. i promise, i'm better.

the thing is, the relief that washed over me as i posted the previous letter, it was something different. something that i haven't ever felt.

a total state of euphoria, if i may.

you know, the moment i understood the fact that my parents are gone, i broke down. cried my heart out.

i felt so many emotions, but i didn't feel lonely.

my uncles, aunts, cousins and friends surrounded me, showering me with love and affection.

i thought, silly me, i thought that maybe these people will always treat me like that, but little did i know that the world doesn't work that way.

a few days after the funeral, slowly and steadily, the love evaporated. vanished.

i don't blame anyone, honestly. everyone has to get on with their life.

when i turned 13, i started to distance myself from people, mainly because i thought i'd cause them sadness too, the same way i did to my parents.

my teachers thought i'd rebel, but i was in too much agony to misbehave. 

(tw; mention of depression)

i was diagnosed with clinical depression when i was about 17, i used to take medication as well, when i was about 18.

i'm sorry that you have to read such letters, letters filled with sadness and melancholy.

i'm sorry, dear stranger.

your sincerely,
j.jk