letters to the unknown

letter, XII

my love,

i had a hard time writing this letter.
my emotions, my feelings, all were in a frenzy.

to be honest, i'm not sure whether i should send this letter or not.

this fondness i feel for you, never in a million lightyears did i think they would be reciprocated.

fleeting feelings, that's what i called my likeness towards you, and put off this confession until the very end.

a part of me had always been scared that perhaps i'll depend on you so much, that one day, you'd finally understand your worth, and leave me stranded.

abandonment issues, as the world calls it.

the fear of losing-
many people have had a hard time owning up to it, but i would valiantly tattoo it on my forehead if i could.

i'm terrified of losing you, my precious.

so afraid, that i'd rather spend the rest of eternity, longing for you, as i sit beside you, hearing you gush fondly about your significant other who isn't me.

do i deserve you?

someone as sparkly as the stars from heaven, falling down?

someone as bright as the candle-lit silhouette, caressing the intimate shades of the unlimited romantic possibilities.

you deserve someone who is worthy of your blinding smiles, who showers you with sweet nothings.

you deserve someone who isn't filled with dark, gloomy thoughts. someone who isn't so melancholic, contrary to yourself.

someone who is so gray, isn't worthy of being with a rainbow like you.

but.

but.

i can't let you go, jm.

i can't imagine you, being in someone else's arms as they make you giggle to your heart's content.

i can't bear the thought of you painting with them, as you splash around the colours and turn yourself into a beautiful art work.

jealousy is a filthy emotion.

an emotion that drags someone so pure like yourself into the deep claws of someone dark like myself.

i keep thinking of you.

it's exasperating.

you're like a beautifully broken record, which repeatedly plays in my mind.

even though i've heard the song a million times before, i would gladly let the song bless my ears, again.

if you still would like to accept me, even after knowing the darkness i possess,

meet me at "purple romantasist", street number 13, 5 p.m.