Young and Loaded

Chapter Twenty-One

   Okay, maybe I lied. But only just a little bit, I swear.

   I didn't actually know how to get our memories back. At least not yet, not entirely. Maybe I just took too fucking long to connect a bunch of dots in my head that the rest of them already had connected by themselves, assuming everyone else knew. I didn't know that, of course. And that much was proven when Gerard called a very tired Mikey and an exhausted Ray to my dwelling, making me feel instantly bad at their reactions to just being there so late at night or so early in the morning. Depends on your perspective, I guess. Which meant I needed to stall until I connected another dot in my head and figured out just how the hell I was supposed to help them remember, too.

   I wondered if maybe it was just the content of my pills that was doing this whole vomit and memory sequence and was keeping me sick and bedridden with three idiots to take care of me. Or maybe I was the idiot. I kept taking the pills that I'd been prescribed just to help me remember things that might as well just be hallucinations at this point. So I told them just that, all in unnecessary detail that they didn't need for me to illustrate at all. At least I told them about the pills, all while keeping quiet about the hallucinations that seemed to haunt my every movement, plaguing me like crazy.

   But hallucinations don't explain the posters.

   Hallucinations didn't explain crazy coincidences in real life that had no other explanation that seemed even remotely logical.

   And speculation of hallucinations didn't make people happy to be here with you. So pills and accusing yourself of being an idiot seemed a lot easier to explain than hallucinations. To say the least, the three of them weren't exactly happy when it turned out my epiphany wasn't the one they'd been hoping for.

   "Okay, so I'm stupid," I said, crossing my arms over my chest and shrugging after I'd finished my neverending mini-rant. Their expressions didn't change, didn't budge; they just kept staring me down.

   They all looked like the personification of deadpanned.

   "Is no one gonna say anything to me? Tell me I'm an idiot? Agree with me? Hell, I'm probably hallucinating right now, and I don't know what I'm gonna do... This is overwhelm—"

   "Frank, please, actually shut the fuck up."

   Ray cursing? Am I that annoying? I don't doubt it.

   At least I did end up shutting my mouth for once, stunned to silence by a generally clean-mouthed and professional Ray. Jet Star in the zones, of course, but Ray to the city bastards and Ray to the four of us in this room. Only for now, hopefully.

   It took him a second to collect his thoughts, the other two entirely silent. Only Mikey shuffled his feet a little bit, scratching his arm as he maintained a rather pissed look on his face. Not like it was much trouble, seen as he seemed to be generally pissed off at everything that moved. But this was directed at me and my stupid realization and having Gerard bring them all here. But I wasn't any less aware of what they were trying to get across to me. I knew I was dumb. They knew I was dumb. And that was that.

   "I can promise you I'm not a hallucination, Frank," Ray finally began, letting out a deep breath. "But you're right. You need to keep taking those pills until you do find out just how exactly we're going to get the rest of our memories back, even if it's keeping you sick as hell. We need to know how to get those little memories back in their entirety or—"

   "Or if he's even telling the truth."

   Everyone's heads turned towards Mikey, who was standing there with his arms crossed. He was practically shrinking in on himself under Ray, my, and Gerard's gaze, who still hadn't said anything since the other two had gotten here. His silence worried me, but I tried not to think about it, keeping my hands clasped in front of me as they each shot phrases and words at each other.