Unhappy Medium: Between the Devil and the Deep, Dark Sea

Those Darned Demons!

Niko called Otto the next day.

"Remember the demon I told you about? His crush is becoming less one-sided."

Otto was thrown off by this wording. "So you're starting to like him?"

"As much as I'm ashamed to say it, yes, yes I am. I'm looking for romantic advice, but if you think it's a frivolous waste of your time-"

"Of course it isn't! I'm always willing to help you any way I can, Niko. What's the problem?"

Niko scratched his neck, nervous. "He needs an answer by next week. Of whether we want to date or not."

"Are you scared of him?"

"Yes. He tried to possess me the first time we met. Then he changed gears and got really nice. I need to remain vigilant, though, I can't trust him entirely."

"Talk to him about your feelings."

"Being vulnerable? With a demon? Sounds like a recipe for disaster."

"Try it. If things go south, you can take him on."

Niko smiled, regaining his confidence. "Thank you, Otto. You check out Gaming in the Clinton Years, yet?"

Mallomor, who had been eavesdropping on this conversation, at this point completely checked out.

Later, Mallomor went into the basement, Niko's studio. Niko was busy, so Mallomor stood in a corner until he had a spare moment.

Niko was startled by Mallomor, but regained his composure.

"I've made my decision. I'll try going out with you."

Mallomor's tail swished. "So we're just in the talking phase, right?"

"If that's what you call it." Niko turned away, getting back to his painting.

Mallomor was put off by Niko's casualness, but he was more of a Romantic anyway. Someone who viewed love and romantic relationships as an exciting adventure. But it would be useless to make Niko change his ways.

When Mallomor shut the door to the basement, he saw Donnatello standing there.

Donnatello was like a shadowy Mr. Universe, with a forked tail, a pair of tattered wings, horns like an impala's, and 2 glowing light blue eyes. On his face was a grin that was far too wide and a clear glint of wickedness in his eyes.

"Did you like talking with your boyfriend?"

"Yes, but why are you here?"

"I need you back in hell. Bring your boyfriend, too."

Mallomor tilted his head. "Now?"

"No, not now. Of course, not now!" Donnatello stomped on Mallomor's tail to hold him in place. "The human will serve our plan well."

Niko found Mallomor over him as he slept that night.

"Nimue damn it! Can't I ever get a full night's sleep around here!"

Mallomor couldn't look Niko in the eye.

"I'm sorry..."

A stinger pierced Niko's side, and after a couple minutes, he fell into a deep sleep.

Mallomor carried Niko's body to Donnatello, who put him in a basket to transport the human to hell. Mallomor drew up a hell portal and they both stepped inside.

Hell was best described as the CW looking at Bosch paintings and thinking "This is weaksauce. We can make it edgier!"

Mallomor and Donnatello looked a lot different in hell than they did on earth. Mallomor looked like an unholy combination of goat, spider, man, while Donnatello was a man mixed with a wolf, bull, and crocodile.

Donnatello gave the basket to Mallomor. "Here. You can keep him. Bring him to Vivalda once the poison has worn off."

Mallomor put Niko to rest in Vivalda's place, after calling her, of course. Vivalda was busy at the time, but she'd swing by.

Looking at Niko lying on Vivalda's floral sheets, Mallomor worried that he'd gotten Niko in deep trouble by just pining after him.