Unhappy Medium: Between the Devil and the Deep, Dark Sea

THIS IS WHAT AMERICA NEEDS

That night was quiet and relaxed, like all the rest.

Niko decided to stay at the port for a couple of days for supplies and to see what would happen if he stayed for a bit.

Mallomor was in his usual cheery mood, though the wedding made him a bit more hopelessly romantic.

"Do you think that'll be us one day?"

Niko looked down at the dark water beneath the pier. "I wouldn't mind if it were so."

Mallomor hugged Niko. "I can't imagine the future going any other way."

Niko felt that nothing more needed to be said.

At the houseboat, Niko rested on the couch while Mallomor bounced off the walls.

Niko soon lost his patience for it.

"Calm down for a second, I'm trying to think!"

"Sorry."

Mallomor changed the subject. "Your dad mentioned that you being a faery only explains part of your behavior. He mentioned that there's something else going on in your head, a diagnosis. Something that I've never heard of before-"

Niko stood up. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't finish that sentence."

Mallomor's tail swished, nervous that this change in his boyfriend's composure. "Why?"

"What did he tell you?"

"Just a few of the symptoms. Something about 'executive functioning' and that you're very impulsive and blunt."

"Good. I'm going to take a shower now. Never bring it up again."

Mallomor was stunned silent.

Tsarina went out to see how Mallomor was doing. Seeing he was troubled, she rubbed up against his goat leg. She saw that his tail was no longer an arrowhead, but a heart.

"What's up with him? Is it fatal?"

Tsarina shook her head. It wasn't the easiest thing to deal with, but far from fatal.

"Is it misunderstood?"

Tsarina nodded.

"Well, I understand that.

Still...I thought he would discuss such things with me openly."

Tsarina stared at him with amber eyes.

"I know it's been two weeks, but...

I can't imagine my life without him. He's so charming and intelligent and genuinely caring. He's unlike any human, or, rather, fae, I've ever met. I love him dearly..."

Tsarina could only handle Mallomor's gushing for a while before walking away.

"What? Tsarina, he's my boyfriend! Let me gush for a little bit, please!"

After his shower, Niko showed Mallomor a clip explaining why he hated disco. It was the video of "Do the Shake" by the Village People from their movie "Can't Stop the Music".

Yes, The Village People made a movie. Yes, it bombed. No, it's not very good. Moving on.

Mallomor added such insightful commentary as "Am I too old to understand this innuendo?"

"Age has nothing to do with it.

I know what vanilla is supposed to be, but not chocolate."

Mallo leaned against Niko. "Chocolate milkshakes sound good."