Heartbreak hotel, Mairi

Daze

"Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light."
—Madeleine L'Engle

Kairis pov
The walk back to my room had me lost in my own thoughts which never went in a good direction. One thought lead to another usually ending up in an anxiety attack. This felt different though. It was like a sense of longingly that was beginning to fill, it confused him. Affection and attention was something Kairi was desperately starved from and now all a sudden he was getting it, it overwhelmed him. He had no idea what to do with it.

Once I stopped Infront of my room I took my time unlocking it before finally stepping inside, taking off my shoes. I flipped over my wrist carefully unlocking my bracelet so I didn't possibly break the dainty chain. Once I successfully got it off I placed it in my jewelry box with the rest of my jewelry.

Tiredly, I took off my shirt in front of my mirror. I couldn't help but frown at the reflection. I hated my body with a passion, I could easily pick out flaws and describe my self hatred for them. Sometimes I broke down just because of how ugly I felt despite the protests of my mother repeatedly calling me nice things about my appearance you could possibly think of. But still, I refused to believe her spite the reason she was my mother and it was sort of her job to say such things. Most of the time I wished I got a genuine compliment from someone besides my mother, even if it was something small. I had come to a realization early on that self love and worth wasn't something that was going to come easily or even something I'd have at all.

I ripped my eyes away from the mirror, deciding to change in my room instead of the bathroom. I had to frequently remind myself not to look change in front the mirror. I changed into loose jogger shorts and an oversized T-shirt. I took a seat at the side and f my bed so I was facing my white desk that held my art supplies and framed pictures. I sighed, reaching over for one that was hidden behind the others. I stared at the picture I hadn't seen in months, tracing the various cracks that ran down it with my eyes. I felt numb staring at the printed imagine of my sister, I couldn't seem to look away. I brought my finger up to the glass frame, running my finger along her face that surprisingly wasn't shattered along with the rest of picture.

I inhaled sharply lifting the picture from my lap back where it was before, behind the rest of the framed pictures. I looked down to see my hands were shaking violently. I cursed myself not knowing how to make them stop. This often happened when I was feeling sudden anxiety and I'd let it ride out until the shaking stopped. The most I could do was not think about it, just distract myself.

I reached over, turning off my light. I stared into the darkness for awhile letting my slumped and tired body relax. Soon enough I felt myself slip into a deep sleep.

-

I felt supper jittery as I woke up remembering Mattia was going to pick me up from the lobby so we could get breakfast together. I wasn't sure I was in my right mind set yesterday when I so willing agreed because I felt like throwing up thinking about it now. Our personalities collided so much and I hated it, if he was just a little less assertive and good looking maybe I wouldn't feel like this. And the fact I wasn't used to this kind of attention.

I inspected my closet feeling the need to look good even if we were just going to eat. I eventually decided on a light blue collard shirt with a white short sleeve on top and dark blue jeans. I also decided on a couple necklaces I never wore to put the look together. I looked in the mirror feeling satisfied with it, I didn't usually put so much thought into what I wore but today was different, I was going somewhere in public with someone way out of my league.

(A/N we not damn well Kai isn't out of Mattias league)

I made sure to put on my bracelet before heading out of my room. I felt my palms start to sweat as I pressed the elevator button, I watched the floor number lower in an attempt to deflect myself which wasn't helping. Even as I made my way into the large lobby my nerves didn't seem to falter one bit. Only letting my anxiety expand to the point where I felt sick to my stomach.

My mother had texted me she would be away to pick up packages in town and that my cousin Angelique would be staying with us to run the hotel as her parents were away for a small business trip. I hadn't seen her since I was five so the mere imagine  I had of her in my head was very vague and almost non existent. All I knew was that she was a year younger and had dark hair. Since my mother wasn't at the front desk I assumed she'd be there instead but she wasn't, which made me a bit worried. But I couldn't think about that at the moment, the only thing on my mind was Mattia.

As on cue I heard the elevator ding. I turned my head around seeing Mattia already making his way toward me with his usual smirk and intense stare that held little to no emotion. He wore a white graphic concert tee and faded black jeans that ripped at the knees. He's strided confidently with his hands in his pockets, his whole demeanor radiating dominance making me feel even more smaller than I was. But I knew he wouldn't do anything, he didn't seem dangerous more intimidating than anything.

"Hey Angel you look good." He spoke deeply now standing In front of me. I looked up feeling myself turn crimson at the nickname I had yet to get used to. The way he spoke to me and casually threw around flirty comments was completely new.

"Thank you, you do too." I uttered a reply back, my voice coming out frail. He smirked at my response holding his hand in front of my face. I looked down at it, hesitantly connecting our hands. Once I stood to my full height I realized how much he towered over me and the drastic height difference. I felt him squeeze my hand tighter as he lead us out the lobby door. I didn't say anything as we walked to his car hand in hand. I hid my composure even though freaking out on the inside. He loosened his grip on my hand letting me walk to the passenger seat at he got in the drivers.

"Where are we going?" I decided to ask as he pulled out of the parking lot. It wasn't raining like yesterday, instead the sky was foggy making it look much later than it was.

"You'll see, I'm pretty sure you've never been." He said shortly not taking his eyes off the road. I watched momentarily as he hit his rings against the steering wheel in a pattern like beat before looking back at the road. I found myself in a slight daze as we continued.

We didn't talk the rest of the way, and I could tell Mattia wasn't the talkative type nor was I. Even if I was I didn't want to possibly get on his nerves and have him say something about it or lash out. That was the last thing I wanted to happen.

"We're here."

It's super late and I don't want to edit this so if there are any mistakes my bad I'll try to fix them when I wake up. Ily guys vote and comment if you liked this chapter