fallen leaves and zebra prints

drifter

I'll speak it into reality
enough times that I'd forget that nobody else
sees it like that
why not just go
hold out long enough that the decision
isn't even mine to make
and I miss the window
completely again
sooner or later I'll see it off
hear the same sounds in a different place
see the same things with different faces
different people
different speech and accents and
different definitions of what a home is
and maybe I'd apply to something
fit in something
feel it like they might
they do
but i don't
and never have
the walk to the bridge is fulfilling
for a second
the stands are shouting
and train sets off
to nowhere
and i am off on my own
leaving my whole being
name
personality
friends
everything
i just want to go.
but will I?
Sooner or later,
I'll have to
sooner or later the decision will be made for me
and ill miss my window again
a family is nothing without a whole
but my participation,
my contribution,
my presence isn't what will make it
don't act like you don't understand
you do. You left too
only difference is
one of us
will commit
and the other,
remains to be determined
sooner or later, I'll figure it out
sooner or later the decision will be made for me
and I'll miss my window again
but maybe,
just maybe,
ill squeeze through for once
and i won't have to look back
again