Diary Of A Lovesick, Immature, Slightly Depressed Fangirl (A Dan Howell Fanfic)

THURSDAY, JANUARY 8, 2015

Dear Journal,

I'm not proud of myself. I have told that to only three people in my life. And those three people were sitting in my lounge earlier, only because I needed to tell them again.

But let's start where I left off. When Dan called.

"Hello?"

"Alec!" Dan said. "Oh my god, you're not dead! Me and Phil have been trying to get a hold off you to see if you were okay."

"I know."

"Are you? Okay, I mean." I took a shaky breath.

"Yeah. I'm great."

"That's really funny. 'Cause I got a hold of Leigh, Marie and Ann and they all said you quit your job. And Ann saw you buy enough food to survive the alpacalypse. They also said you haven't left your house in three days."

"Psh, nah. It's my fourth day today. And I'm still doing just fine."

"Have you been...you know...hurting yourself?"

"No. I haven't." I said without hesitation. "And I have to go. Tell Phil I said hi."

"Alec-" I hung up. He really shouldn't have brought that up. I had thought about it, cutting myself, but decided against it. They were just YouTubers. Not something to be so dramatic about. But Dan didn't think I could hold up so long. That wasn't helping. I looked over at the bottom drawer of my sidetable. No. No way.

I decided to sleep, despite the time only being seven o'clock at night.

But I woke up not long after. At around two in the morning, I was awakened by a loud pounding on the door to my flat. I climbed out of bed and opened the door, only to be greeted by the one person I would've never expected. I would've expected Bill Gates or even David Tennant before him.

"What are you doing here, Leigh?" I asked sleepily. He was breathing hard and holding his arm. "Are you okay?"

"My brother and I got into a fight," he said breathlessly. I invited him inside. "He was drunk, and he was talking a bunch of crap on our younger brother. I started yelling at him to cut it out. One thing lead to another, my brother twisted my wrist and threw me outside. He started to chase me, but I lost him about twenty minutes ago. I didn't where else to go. I know the circumstances between us aren't great but-" I threw my arms around him, pulling him into a hug, one which he gladly returned.

"You can stay for as long as you want," I said, my voice muffled by his jacket. I pulled away and held his shoulders. "You must be tired. Let's wrap up your wrist for now and then you can go to sleep, yeah?" He smiled gratefully.

"How's about we both grab a Monster and watch Lord of the Rings?" I smiled, jumping off of the sofa to grab the Monsters.

"There are some pajamas in the nerd lounge that Dan left behind," I told Leigh as I returned with the Monsters. He nodded and left the room to go and change. I popped the Fellowship of the Ring (the first Lord of the Rings movie incase you didn't know) and made a few bags of popcorn.

Less than five minutes later, we were snuggled up on the sofa, buried in three thick duvets and shoveling popcorn into our mouths. Next thing I knew, I was waking up with my face buried in Leigh's neck and his arms were wrapped around my waist. I froze in an instant. What the hell was happening? I slowly and carefully removed myself from that...ahem...position and went into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. I had forgotten to take off my makeup from yesterday. And yes, I wore makeup around the house even though I knew I wasn't leaving it. Don't judge me. Oh wait, that's why am writing in you. Nevermind.