Feel. Deal. Heal.

New Love

Chapter 5

I moved back in with my mom for a short period of time, we all know by now that didn't last long. Work started giving me issues. The dope work /Manager partner I thought I had became greedy and and everything was a competition. We were supposed to be managers together and work together to build this store but it was nothing but a competition to him. It bothered him that he had been working there for a few years and here comes this woman who made a few more sales then him a few times. Whoooooo cares. A young collage girl there who was like 17 had the biggest attitude towards me. Anything I asked her to do she would resist and make it known she had zero respect for me as her manager. I went to go grab lunch one day in the mall and I came back and she was eating in the front, which we are supposed to eat in the back and I kindly asked her to eat in the back because it's rude to do that in front of customers. I had asked her to do something else that day and she didn't so I made a note on the poster board in the back to remind her to do it when she came in the next day cause I was off. When I came back into work she had left me a sarcastic note in return implying I can't tell her what to do. Her problem was that she was tired of new co managers. The old one left to move out of state and she was used to her so instead of being welcoming and giving me a chance she resisted and hated me from the start. So the following week the district manager had called me and said a customer left an email complant about me. She said I was eating in front of the store, she asked for help multiple times and didn't recieve it and when she did it was rushed. She said she asked the girl for her name and the girl told her it was Maralen. ahhhhhh shit here we go. I was furious. That was the day I went to grab lunch and Molly and another one of my employees and my Manager were in the store. This girl told the lady her name was my name to purposly try to get me fired. What. The. Fuck. I had messaged her on Facebook and she confessed to what she did smh THEN.... My manager / partner started being super rude to me for no reason and was acusing me of stealing. Each month we had to do an inventory count. Our numbers were always fine maybe like 1 or 2 off but never anything drastic and I would stay like 2 hours extra to count as many times as needed. I had had enough harrrasment and acusations and told the district manager I could no longer work with them. I was not going to tolerate being acused of things I did not do. He offered me my own store to be the Manager of the store in Shawnee. It would be about a 30 min drive each day to work. I was concerned about if that mall was even busy enough for me to make a good income there so I respectfully declined his offer. I loved that job, I really did. Months later My store manager was arrested in front of everyone because they found out he had ben stealing from them for years. Like a shit load of shoes, clothes ect and was doing drugs with some girl he was dating. Can we say Karma? The energy you put out is the energy source going to give you in return. You will hear me say this often.

I had trouble finding a job my home girl worked at a grocery store so I ended up getting a job there as a cashier. It was nice cause we got paid weekly and it was easy. I had went to my old church as I was trying to search for positive messages to get my life back on track. I felt so uncomfortable. Everyone raising their hands, speaking in tounges swaying back and forth. I felt like I was in a cult. I quickly remembered why I had left. The shaming and sexual assalt I had experienced in the church triggered me and overwhelmed me all over again. Grown men touching you in inappropriate ways but yet telling you they can't "Pray" with you. Talk about confusing. The day I chose to go some random guest preacher was there and a guy in the audiance had something to ask him and raised his hand and stood up. He shamed him in front of the whole church and told him to "SIT DOWN SIR!! DO NOT GET UP! YOU BE QUIET AND SIT DOWN, YOU WILL SPEAK WHEN YOUR SPOKEN TO." I was like ugghhhh wtf lol awkward It brought back painful memories of not belonging or feeling loved or welcomed. I have not been back since. Organized Religion is created for seperation and segregation. It teaches others to love with conditions. I'll love you but only if your not gay. I'll love you but only if you don't have sex before marriage, or wear certain clothes or talk to people that are different then you. It was created to inject fear and control into others. The most inhumane things have been done in our lifetime in the name of Christianity. Just take a memory trail back to Christopher Columbus and Slavery, Jim crow laws ect. Spirituality however is love and belonging. Spirituality teaches there is room for everone. Spirituality is personal and teaches that love is unconditional. Everyone belongs. Spirituality recgonizes that just because you have done something "bad" that doesn't make you a bad person. Feel. Deal. Heal.