How I Cope (z.s.)

15.

Harry was already high from the slight amount of weed he inhaled, because he wasn't used to the sensation.

His coughing fits came every once in awhile when it became too much for him.

Louis plucked the new joint from between Harry's fingers.

Louis: "Id lay off haz, Zayn's coming"

Liam looked over his shoulder with a confused expression.

Liam: "what does that have to do with anything?"

Louis: "oh uh...zayn just doesn't know that we let him smoke"

Liam: "he's not a baby Lou"

Louis: "to me he is"

Liam chuckled and brought the joint back up to his lips, leaning over the balcony and observing the lights in the city.

Only a few more minutes passed before the sliding glass doors swung open and Zayn and Niall joined them on Harry's balcony.

Zayn: "hey lads"

Liam: "hey z, what's going on"

Zayn: "nothing much, just breaking in the new room"

He winked.

The weed was strong, but not strong enough to control the boiling sensation Harry felt inside when he heard Zayn's comment.

Liam: "too much info"

Niall chuckled

Niall: "beds pretty sturdy though, just in case you were wondering"

Liam, Niall, and Zayn all chuckled...Louis held off, keeping his attention on Harry who had tears forming already.

Louis managed to catch Harry's attention and nodded his head toward the room.

Louis: "were gonna go downstairs and grab Harry some coffee, you guys want anything?"

Zayn: "but we just got here"

Zayn looked sympathetically over his shoulder at Harry who was headed for the door.

Louis: "we'll be right back, the weed hit him a little hard"

As Louis went to follow Harry out the door, zayn pulled him back and brought him close so his breath was touching Louis ear.

Zayn: "why did you guys give him that Lou? You know he doesn't smoke"

Louis: "he was so on edge Z, he needed it"

Zayn: "I don't want him getting into that stuff"

Louis: "you do it"

Zayn: "that's a different story, I don't want Harry doing it"

Louis: "and whys that?"

Zayn: "because he...I just care okay?!"

Louis: "...that's all I wanted to hear"

Louis winked at Zayn and followed Harry out the door.

Harry: "what was that about?"

Louis: "he was scolding me for giving you the joint"

Harry rolled his eyes

Harry: "I dunno why he cares so much, it's not like I'm his..."

Louis: "I asked him why he didn't want you smoking though"

Harry: "oh yea? and what'd he say?"

Louis: "he stuttered trying to answer me, but he said it's because he cares so much about you"

Harry: "nothing he hasn't already told me...but we're still in this predicament aren't we?"

Louis sighed

Louis: "Harry I'm really sorry you're going through this"

Harry: "I did it to myself...I fucked around with Z and it lead me here. Now there's nothing I can do to take it back, I'm just stuck with these feelings"

Louis: "if you want...I can talk to Niall about coming clean to Z"

Harry: "I don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with Lou...I'll be fine. You've already done enough for me"

The rest of their walk was silent, both of them thinking of possibly solutions to this unreal situation they were in.

By the time they'd made it back up to the room, Harry's coffee was gone. Him and Louis didn't exchange very much conversation after he brought up mentioning it to Niall.

Once they came back to the room and opened the door, the other three were chilling on the beds. Niall and Zayn were cuddled right where Harry was supposed to sleep for the next week, and Liam was at the foot of the bed.

Harry leaned over to Louis and sighed.

Harry: "guess I'll be sleeping on the couch after this"

Louis: "just call and get new sheets if it bothers you that much"

Harry knew he was probably overreacting a bit but at the same time he didn't care. He wanted to be entitled to his feelings and he was.

Niall: "how was your coffee haz?"

Harry: "it was fine"

Niall: "I heard you smoked a bit yeah?"

Harry: "mhm..."

Niall: "first time?"

Harry: "mhm..."

Niall: "just trying to make conversation that's all"

Harry: "mkay"

and with that, Harry's chest felt tight. He wanted to be alone again. To escape all of the questions.

Harry pulled Louis to the side with a heavy breathing pattern.

Harry: "I need everyone to leave Lou...I'm starting to have a panic attack"

Harry's breathing was picking up

Louis: "I'm not gonna leave you here while you're like this"

Harry's hands started to shake and he couldn't keep still

Harry: "I really need to be alone, it's gonna be worse"

Louis: "Harry just breathe"

Harry knew Louis wasn't getting it. His panic attack was coming quicker by the second and his requests of being alone weren't happening.

So he made them happen himself.

He slid out the balcony, not caring who saw him at this point and slammed the door behind him.

His breathing was quick and sharp, so he slid down the wall and brought his knees to his chest.

The tears swam down his face and faded beneath the collar of his tee shirt.

He sat there with his face buried in his knees for a good while while he calmed himself down before he heard the balcony door swing open.

Zayn: "hey...it's just me"

Harry felt his heart grow a little at the sound of Zayn's deep accented tone, and he glanced up to meet their eyes.