How I Cope (z.s.)

16.

Zayn smirked at Harry when they made eye contact and Harry immediately felt a sense of comfort.

Harry: "is everyone else gone?"

Zayn: "I made them leave...I hope that's okay"

Harry: "yeah that's what I wanted actually"

Zayn slid down along the wall and sat next to Harry facing the pitch black city in front of them.

Zayn: "another panic attack?"

Harry: "what's new..."

Zayn: "nothing except for the fact that I caused this one..."

He sounded defeated.

Harry: "it's fine, I'll be okay"

Zayn: "but me being the cause of your pain sucks"

Harry: "it's nobodies fault but mine Zayn...I shouldn't have caught feelings in the first place. It was just sex. I know that."

Zayn: "it started that way...but I promise that you mean way more to me than just sexual things"

Harry: "I wish I felt that way sometimes..."

Zayn: "I wish I could show you that I meant it, but with Niall and I being engaged I can't right now"

Harry: "mhm"

Zayn: "but I'm gonna talk to him, I just have to find the perfect time...if there even is one"

Harry: "hmm a perfect time to break off an engagement and confess that you were cheating...doesn't seem possible"

Zayn managed to chuckle

Zayn: "I guess you're right, but you deserve it"

Harry: "deserve what?"

Zayn: "everything you've been asking for...the only thing you've been asking for actually"

Harry: "...you?"

Zayn: "that's all you've wanted right?"

Harry: "for the longest time if I'm honest"

Zayn: "and I don't know why I'm so god damn special, but if you want me...I'm yours"

Harry stopped himself. He was getting caught up in Zayn's words once again.

Harry: "...I cant believe you yet"

Zayn: "what? why?"

Harry: "because I feel like you sweet talk me and I look forward to being with you and it never happens"

Zayn: "it will...I promise it will. I just need to navigate through all of the shit I'm in first okay?"

Harry nodded, unsure if he wanted to believe.

Zayn: "I should get back though, Nialls probably..."

Harry: "waiting for you...I get it"

Zayn: "you gonna be okay to get to sleep?"

Harry: "I'm probably gonna just sleep on the sofa"

Zayn: "why?! you've got a king sized bed in there"

Harry: "you were cuddling with Niall in that bed, where I wanted to be...it just makes me think too much. I'd rather not"

Zayn: "Harry I-"

Harry: "no it's okay, it's just for my personal sanity ya know?"

Zayn: "I can call and get you new sheets and stuff"

Harry: "zayn..."

Zayn: "what?"

Harry: "I'm okay, I promise...now get to bed, we've got rehearsals in the morning"

Zayn: "fine...but everything I said tonight...I meant"

Harry: "...okay"

Zayn left Harry's room, and he closed the door quietly.

Harry glanced at the bed, but knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep with Zayn's scent below him...especially if Nialls was mixed with it.

He pulled the extra throw blankets from the closet and laid himself on the couch as comfortably as he could.

It took him almost an hour to drift off, but he finally managed to find some peace and fall asleep.

In the morning he was woken up by his alarm at 9. They had tour rehearsals at 11, so he woke up 2 hours prior for enough time to energize.

He hopped in the shower and cleaned himself up, managing to keep all thoughts of Zayn out of his head for as long as possible.

But once he popped into his head, Harry couldn't contain himself. Sights of Zayns tattooed torso underneath of him swept his mind.

He wrapped his hand around himself and started stroking vigorously, throwing his head back with every thrust.

Harry: "fuck...zayn"

He continued with the motion, picking up speed as time went on until he felt the warm sensation build in his abdomen.

Harry: "I'm gonna come...fuck"

He came whispering Zayn's name, but at the same time he felt a small tear slip past his cheek.

Once he recouped, he hopped out of the shower and finished getting himself ready for the day. His hair was bound to be frizzy, so he threw an olive green beanie over the mane and accompanied it with some black joggers and a grey t shirt.

He never felt the need to impress at rehearsals so he dressed as comfortably as he could, especially after the rough night sleep he got last night on the couch.

After an hour, his phone rang from across the room.

Harry: "hello?"

Louis: "hey, you almost ready?"

Harry: "yeah I'm coming down now, why?"

Louis: "I have to talk to you about something before we leave"

Harry: "Is it bad or good news?"

Louis: "I mean...could be both"

Harry: "fucking great, I'll be down in a minute"

Louis: "mkay"

What could Louis already have to tell him? It's been a total of 8 hours since he'd seen him last, and they've been asleep most of the time.

Whatever it was, Harry was dreading. He didn't need anymore bad news in his life.