Germination

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RAM'S POV

After the events that happened a few hours ago, I'm still wide awake. All those things that P'King said still plays on my mind. It was like an infinite loop that keeps playing no matter how hard I try to stop it.

Was is really because of me? Am I really causing him that much pain? Were my feelings too repulsive for him to the point that he'd ask me to get lost from his sight. I know it can be confusing for him. I too have my own share of confusion. I was an introvert to begin with. I've always masked my true feeling and never opened up to others that easily. P'King was the first one who made me feel like this. I felt he understood me without having to say anything much or even explain myself. He broke through my walls and I felt that we had that connection. But was it all just me who felt it? Plus, this was literally the first time that I genuinely liked someone more than a friend.

I was lost in my thoughts and did not realize that my tears are starting to fall on its own. I'm totally screwed now. He already holds a special place in my heart and if my prescence causes him this suffering the I guess I need to step back and give him the space that he needs. I can suffer alone but I can't bear to see him hurting like that because of me.

I was deep within my thoughts when I received a text from my mom. She said that she's on her way to pick me up with my dad because we need to do something. I was cofused at first but I decided to just ask them when they arrive. I packed my things and made one last glance to the person that I like. "I won't let you suffer anymore because of my feelings for you P'King. I'll give you space but let me say thank you for understanding me and for making me happy. Goodbye now." I said to the sleeping person beside me before leaving the tent with my stuff.

It was almost 6AM when my parents arrived with my younger brother Ruj. I was a bit surprised when I realized that they're all here to pick me up. I was already in the car when my mom explained what happened. Apparently my dad admitted his mistakes and apologized to my mom and Ruj. He also promised to make up for what he did and atone for his mistakes. My mom, being the sweet lady that she is, gave my dad one last chance. For her love for him and for our family.

I guess something good did happen after all. I can spend a few days of vacation with my family courtesy of my dad while nursing this broken heart of mine. We spent a few days in a resort somewhere in Pattaya. I missed this. The days when we'd be happy as a family and I'm glad that my dad has decided to come to his senses and make things right for us. After a few days of relaxation, we decided to go back to Bangkok to prepare for the opening of classes.

The first day of classes as expected, was a bit lighter. We only had class for  the first half of the day. While going from different rooms, I made sure to check my sorroundings. I was trying my best not to cross paths with that specific senior. That special senior that holds a special place in my heart. For the past few days, I've been thinking of him and getting him out of my mind would be next to impossible. But if being out of his sight would mean his happiness then I'd gladly grant him that request. I must have been too love sick because whenever I think of P'King I seem to have that feeling of being out of breath. It's kinda itchy to the point that I'd cough a bit. I guess my feelings for P'King is literally taking my breath away. It's too cliche and I'm cringing at my own thoughts. 'What was I thinking? Get a hold of yourself Ram! That's just a simple cough and sore throat. Don't be too dramatic.' I reprimanded myself.

Going back to the recent time, I was done for my class and I was successful in making sure that I don't cross paths with P'King. Imagine how hard it was when we're part of the same faculty.

I was fixing my stuff and getting ready to go out of the lecture room when I saw the message of Duen on our group chat asking us to go to the cafeteria to have lunch with his lover and the other seniors.

I immediately thought of THAT senior and felt that constricting feeling again that I quickly brushed off with a slight cough.

Phu heard me and asked. "Ai'Ram are you ready to leave now? Let's go and meet Duen and the others. The seniors are waiting in the cafeteria already."

I was tempted to go and see P'King. I seriously wanted to take a glance at him and just see him again. But I know I can't be selfish. I can't let him feel pressured again. So I decided against my will and answered Phu. "I can't join you guys for lunch now. I need to go back to my dorm and pick something up. Sorry."

"Ok friend. See you tomorrow then." Phu replied.

After Phu left I quickly sent Duen a message telling him that I cant join them for lunch and went straight to my dorm. I was really supposed to pick some dog food at my dorm to bring it at home but that can wait. I may have used that excuse to avoid meeting P'King. I don't want him to feel awkward.

After arriving at my dorm I took a quick nap and left the around 4PM to bring the dog food to my giants(huskies). I was riding my bike on my way home and when I was almost near the flower shop close to my dorm I saw HIM. It's funny how I can clearly recognize P'King at one glance. I may have shown a bit of shock which I quickly masked with my stoic face as I dont want P'King to see how hurt I was. I don't want him to feel guilty. He's too precious for that.

I was hesitating whether I'd turn back and look for another way or not but I decided to just go ahead and pedal my way forward. While I was getting nearer, I saw him struggling. I felt how umcomfortable he was.

'P'King, was I really causing you that much of a struggle? Does my prescence really cause you to be this uncomfortable? Can't you even spare me a simple hi like I'm your friend or an acquaintance? Don't I deserve that at least?' I asked myself.

When I'm almost near him, I saw him avert his gaze and head straight to the flower shop as if he didn't see me. 'I guess that answers my previous thoughts. I'm not even worthy of being an acquaintance.' I told myself.

After that sudden encounter I had to stop at a nearby park as I was once again assaulted by that feeling of being out of breath. I had to cough a few times before I was able to regain my normal breathing. As I continued riding my bike on my way home I can't help but think and smile pitifully to myself. 'I've fallen so hard in love. Too bad the person whom I love wouldn't see me that way. Too much for my first love I guess.'

I was totally drowned in my thoughts while riding my bike on my way home. I failed to realize that a lone tear has already escsped my eyes. I also failed to notice the changes that might be happening within me. I was too focused with my feelings for him and my breaking heart. If only things were different. If only he feels the same way. I thought he does....
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....but all I got was a broken heart in return.

A/N : Another chapter done. Same drill. Leave your feedback and comments. Vote if you feel like it. Help me improve myself ✌✌✌

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