The Seed

Fears

RAM'S POV

What's wrong with him?! Why did he hug me? He said he missed me right? I'm totally confused now. As far as I know, he didn't have the same feelings that I used to have for him before. So what's all this about? What's with the sudden warmth and longing?

I was totally taken off with how P'King acted earlier that I had to remove his arms from hugging me and walk away from them. I find it totally weird. He seemed to be pretty serious when I looked at him. If I was the old me then I'd probably do my happy dance in my mind with how he reacted. But I can't seem to feel anything for him right now. So I know I used to love this person, but why can't I feel any of it anymore. I guess this is how things are supposed to be. The surgery was successful after all. It's pretty evident based on how I was actually unable to feel anything for P'King.

But what's more weird is that, though I feel empty, I sensed some warmth from that hug. I can't deny that feeling of being at ease when P'King hugged me. It's as if it was what I've been wanting all along and that is what scared and confused me more. I'm not supposed to feel anything anymore and yet what are those reactions that my body is making.

I arrived to class and there's still some time before it starts so I just decided to browse some stuff on my phone. I was keeping myself busy when I saw Phu came and sat beside me.

"Ai'Ram, why did you do that earlier?" Phu asked.

I just looked at him as if asking what that was as he continued.

"Well we all saw how you reacted when P'King hugged you. It's as if you've been exposed to something that caused you an allergic reaction. You looked totally repulsed back there." He addded.

"Was I?" I answered

He placed his hand on my shoulder and said "Friend, we know the feelings that you had before for P'King. We may also have an idea of how things are right now, but can you just go a bit easy on him? Well he's still our senior after all and we're kinda friends with him and his group. You would've seen how hurt he was earlier but he tried to hide it and just smile to us. It's not in my right to say how he suffered when you were gone but he surely did. Can you just cut him some slacks?"

I just looked at him and continued checking my phone. I just heard him sigh and went ahead in checking his own stuff.

As I was checking my phonr, my mind kept wondering somewhere else.

'Why was he hurt? I gave him what he liked so why is he acting like that? I even went as far as having this feelings removed for him to not worry about me anymore. I already did the adjusting so what's with him right now? Why does it seem like I actually left him when it was him who doesn't like me in the first place?'

I just came back to my senses when the professor arrived to start her class. I'll just set aside those thoughts first. There's no pointn overthinking anyways. I already did what I had to do so I just hope that P'King can already stop bothering me.

'I don't want to start having feelings for him again. He's starting to make me feel warmth and it scares me. It scares me more than the emptiness that I feel inside me.'

The entire day went quicker than expected. It's a good thing that we only have morning classes and I can go home and rest already. I'm still having a bit of a headache because of the flight that we had yesterday. Duen and the gang invited me to have lunch first but I just declined them saying that I want to go home instead. They all agreed and I left them at the uni affer saying goodbye.

I know that they really want me to stay for us to catch up more on things but I can't risk it. I'm sure that P'King's going to be there and join us for lunch. I can't afford to be with him on the same place yet. I know that I don't feel anything for him anymore but his actions and how he stares at me are cofusing me to a great extent.