The Seed

Realization

RAM'S POV

I was already on way to finally meet P'King as we agreed upon yesterday. I texted him already to inform him that I'm almost near the bus station.

I was thinking about a lot of things as I was on my way to him. I recalled what I told him last week when he visited my at my place and felt that I really did went too far with what I said.

What was I even thinking when I said it. It was definitely not my intention to make him feel that he's got nothing to do with me because that's definitely not the case.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't even affected with what he's doing this past few weeks. P'King has been clearly giving his all to make me trust him again and I definitely appreciate that. Though I wouldn't openly voice it out.

He's been occupying my thoughts ever since he did those things to make me warm up to him. I can't fully say that I'm having some special feelings for him again but I do definitely feel something. It's just that I can't fully identify it yet.

I don't want to rush into things and say that I already like him again. I want to make sure of my feelings first not only for me but also for P'King.

I might be over analyzing things but I just can't help it because of what happened to me before. I don't want to get hurt again because I know that it will also affect those whom I love. I've seen how it affected my mom, dad and Ruj before and I don't want them to experience it again.

I'm not blind to not notice that P'King was trying his best. It's just that my previous experience was holding me back and that is what's preventing me from trusting P'King again.

But lately I've felt that I've thinking about P'King more and more. He's definitely gone past through those walls that I've set up again and that is what scared me more. I was trying to figure out what I need to do but I soon realized that I'd really get nowhere if I wont speak to P'King and clarify everything.

That is the reason why I'm on my way to him now. I felt this suddent urge to go to him since yesterday. I'm more determined now to speak with P'King to finally set the score between the two of us.

I know that this has been long overdue but I was hoping that by doing this, I'd be able to finally have answers to the questions I have in mind. This might help me as well to identify this feeling that I'm having for him.

I was awaken from my thoughts when I realized that the bus I'm in has already arrived at the bus station. I went down and waited for P'Kings message informing me that he's already near the station. Once I received his confirmation I already went out and looked for him.

I saw him on the other side of the road while waving at me with a smile. His smile really makes me have those jittery feelings inside. There's a certain level of warmth that I can't deny from each smile that he gives me.

It makes me feel his sincerity. Through his smiles, I can clearly sense how he's trying to convey that he's always there for me. That I should not worry because there's someone who's always willing to take care of me.

With his smiles and effort he makes me wanna trust him again. He's giving me an assurance that he's worthy of my forgiveness. His actions makes me feel that it's okay to take a risk with him.

All of the things that he did makes me realize that if I'd be having some feelings for him again, then it wouldn't be wasted this.

'Maybe P'King is worth the risk this time.'

Having this thoughts in my mind, I can't help but flash a small smile on my face. I know P'King might not see it from afar but this would be one of those rare times when I actually genuinely smiled.