The Seed

Agony & Resolve

KING'S POV

After the conversation that I had with N'Duen I immediately left the cafeteria and ran towards my dorm. I couldn't care anymore as to what others would think or how they saw me bawling my eyes out in public. All I can think about now is the fact that Ai'Ning left. It's not permanent but I'd bet my life that things will never be the same once he returns.

I'm a plant lover myself so I know almost anything related to plants. I've read about the Hanahaki Disease before so I'm well aware of what that sickness is. How you acquire it and how someone can cure it.

That's why when N'Duen mentioned that Ai'Ning has it, I felt something within me snap. Upon hearing the flower that's actually causing Ai'Ning's suffering I know that I'm to blame for that.

Jasmine flower. That's my favorite flower and now it's causing pain to the one that I love all because of my cowardice and indecisiveness.

My tears can't help falling on its own. As I got inside my dorm, my legs just instantly gave in as I kneeled on the floor and continued to cry my heart out within the confines of my own room. A lot of questions are running in my mind right now.

Why did he just leave to get the treatment without letting me know? Did I push him that hard for him to think of just giving up and letting go of his feelings for me? Why didn't he reach out to me to clarify things?

'You said that I was the one who understands you the most so why didn't you come to me Ai'Ning? Why did you have to do that?! Why did you throw your feelings away when we could've resolved it together? What about me and my feelings for you?!'

I felt betrayed and abandoned right now but at the same time, my guilt is also eating me up. I know I'm the older one between the two of us so I should've made a move sooner to sort things out. Why did I have to delay things?! Now it's too late to regret it. How I wish I didn't say those things that night at the camp. I know how simple and genuine Ai'Ning's mind is. He might seem too introverted but he's protective and selfless when it comes to the one that he loves. He must have believed that getting away from me would be the best thing to do since I asked for it and if you'd add those instances where he might have misunderstood me, then Ai'Ning is really not to blame if he'd think that his feelings for me were unrequited.

We could've solved it easily if I was just braver back then. If we had communicated better then this wouldn't happen. But it's too late now. I can never undo the past.

I decided to stand up and walk towards my bed as I continue to shed tears for those missed chances. Those times when I could've made things right. I'm all alone in my room now and I look a total mess but I couldn't care less about it anymore. My heart is  breaking into pieces right now and I don't even have control over it. All I can do right now is lie down on my bed and cry myself to sleep.

I woke up with swollen eyes and a heavy heart. I can't even push myself to get up but I know that I had to since I'm already running late for class.

After getting ready for class I headed out of my dorm without even bothering to check my phone. I know I received tons of calls and messages from the gang but I couldn't even bother with it  right now. They've seen how I was yesterday so there's nothing to hide from them anymore. All I know right now is that it freaking hurts. I'd rather get stabbed right now than have my heart break like this.

I'm miserable and I felt like the world has sucked the life out of me. I practically came to class without even noticing how I got there. I just sat on my seat without even bothering about the looks that the gang is giving me.