The Two Middles

Chapter 36: Passed Pasta For You

Here, at the Jensen residence, there aren't too many surprises. Like, no one throws a surprise party for anyone else, and no one does anything for anyone else unless they ask for it. It's not because we don't love each other, but because we have a "Want it, Tell it," policy. The ratio percent of you asking for something and getting it  to you not asking for it and getting it anyway would be about 90 : 1. But, surprise parties wasn't my point. See, there's always announcements at our house. If someone knows something concerning the whole family, we're told beforehand that it's going to happen. Like if someone's going to someone else's party, or if someone met someone new or if someone notable came home, or was being expected home for dinner or lunch or breakfast. Everyone was told everything much before it happened, unless someone was sleeping or out of it. They missed out, they'd have to be surprised. See, one of the main reasons these announcements take place is to mentally prepare the family members, and to physically prepare the house, because the Jensen household wasn't exatly the cleanest place ever. I'm not saying we lived like absolute pigs with mud all over and hair in the soap bars and spiders crawling under dirty laundry on the floor, but no one in my family ever put things where they belonged, so there was always dad's files on the couch, always Preston's football stuff in the hallway, always mom's magazines on the kitchen slab, and always my  books on the couch, if not more of each of us. No one objected to this, unless we had guests. And by guests, I mean not my friends or Preston's friends coming over, because they were accustomed to my natural habitat. I mean a family coming over for lunch or tea or dinner or dad's collegues coming over to chill after an exceptionally long day at work. We were always told if something like that was going to happen. 

So when mom brought out a bottle of wine and set it on the dinner table, I believed someone was coming over, since the wine doesn't generally come out. I'd given the house a quick look and noticed it was a teensy bit cleaner than it usually was. So I was surprised, and more surprised to be surprised, because things like this generally didn't surprise me, as I was informed of them beforehand. 

Turns out, mom only took the bottle of wine out so that she could use a wine glass because she wanted to Ting! it and make an announcement. I tell you, this woman was starting to watch way too many wedding movies for it to be normal. 

Ting Ting Ting Ting Ting! "I have an announcement. But before any of that, I sincerely hope everyone's positive views on homosexuality haven't changed."

"Why?" my dad asked. "Has one of my offspring turned the other way?"

I smiled, and mom continued "No. Because we're having people over for dinner..."

"What has that got to do with homosexuality?" Preston asked, proving his incapability of putting two and two together. I, however, had an idea of where this was going, and my stomach churned a little.

"If you'd let me finish, you'd know. Anyways, the homosexuality thing because the guests we're having over are homosexual."

"Really?" dad asked. "Who is it?"

"It's Allie and Jules!" Mom squealed. "Jaden's parents!"

Preston turned to me, "Jaden has two moms?"

I nodded, then had dad look at me, "Didn't you have a friend named Jaden?"

I nodded. He said, "He had two moms. That's, unexpected."

"Good unexpected or bad unexpected?" 

"There's nothing bad to it. Why the hell can't someone have gay parents?"

"Go George!" Mom yelled.

"When are they coming over?" Preston asked. This question always popped up. People always wanted to know exactly how much time they had to clean up.