Catch Me (Synacky)

Chapter Twenty-Three: Brian

Okay, so it didn’t turn out quite like we had planned. I had not been intending for that kid to throw that snowball, I just saw an opportunity and I took it.

We did not stop running. We churned our feet as fast as we could force them, I held Zacky’s hand tight and he panted, breath making swirling vapors in the sky.

“I-I think we’re good.” I wheezed as we slowed to a walk. My legs felt like jelly, and I had to stop and catch my breath. “We made it.”

And then, I threw my arms around him, and I kissed him as hard as I could. He gasped, his pet falling to the ground as his hands found their way to the base of my neck, fingers curling in my hair. “Fuck, Zacky,” I whispered, and he let out a quiet noise in reply, “We did it, we made it, we’re finally out.”

Eventually, we forced ourselves to pull apart, and Zacky scooped up his pet, brushing snow from its fur. Then suddenly, he grabbed me by the shoulder and we were kissing again, all lips and tongue and teeth and his eyes were opened wide in exhilaration, and he watched my eyes slip closed in pleasure.

“Fuck.” Zacky murmured as my lips travelled down his neck. He let his head fall back, whispering, “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

I chuckled, kissing him softly on the lips. “Damn, Zachary Baker, the things you do to me.”

Zacky smiled. “I-I’d say the same for you, but I don’t even know your last name.”

Woah. Here was the boy I was falling in love with, and he didn’t even know who I was.

“It’s Haner. Brian Elwin Haner.” I held out a hand for him to shake, but he just held it instead.

“I’m Zachary James Baker.” He replied. “You already knew that, though.” A snowflake landed on the eyelashes of his right eye, and he tried to blink it away, making me smile.

“So, was there a park you wanted to show me?” I asked him, and his eyes lit up.

“Oh, yeah! Come on.”

We started to run again, but this time with carefree spirits, laughing as we slid through the snow. Zacky looked like he had been here many times before, knowing exactly which ways to turn.

We probably should have been wary of people looking for us, but we weren’t. We ran right down the sidewalk, smiling at the people we flew past. Zacky’s hand warmed my own, and when we couldn’t run anymore, we walked leisurely, swinging our clasped hands together. Zacky tripped, and found a ten dollar bill lying in the snow at his feet. I guess we were lucky after all.

“There.” He pointed with the hand that held his pet, and I saw it. A little playground, with a swing set, some monkey bars, a rocket ship set that kids could climb all over with a slide coming from the side, as well as a couple picnic tables.

“Dad and I came here.” Zacky said, eyes sweeping over the park. He squeezed my hand, and I squeezed  back, and I asked, “Do you want me to push you on the swings?”

He shook his head. “No, I… I don’t want to be here right now. It…” he paused, searching for the right words. “It’s not the same.”

He sunk down at one of the picnic tables, and I sat next to him, pulling him onto my lap as best I could. “How about all those kisses we talked about?” I asked, lips pressing at his jaw, and he tilted his head so our lips met.

“Brian?” my name was whispered, soft and strained, and I frowned.

“Mm?” I kissed his forehead and he buried his face in my chest.

“You say I’m perfect… You say I’m beautiful.” Zacky brought a hand up and clutched some of the fabric of my shirt. “But… by definition, I’m really neither of those.”

Zacky’s fingers were cold. I took his hands in mine and rubbed them. “By my standards, you’re both of them.” I said.

“I’m ill.” Zacky replied, “And it’s a mental illness that I will have my whole life. I will never recover.”

“Recover from what?” I smiled softly, “Zacky, autism isn’t really a hindrance, not for you. Maybe when it comes to making friends and such, but I love you, who you are, and without that you wouldn’t be Zacky. I mean, um, that isn’t to say that I only love you because of it, I just mean that you’re perfect for me just the way you are. You don’t have to change, your condition doesn’t make you any less wonderful. In a way, it helps you to flourish.”

He didn’t reply. I guess I said too much at once. “You forgot your gloves.” I murmured. “Your hands are freezing.”

Zacky nodded. “We should go and buy some hot chocolate.”

But he made no initiations of movement, only nestled himself closer against me, closing his eyes. “And I…” Zacky hesitated, then let out a deep breath. He didn’t finish for a while, and I waited, knowing that there was more on his mind. “I do. Love. You.” He looked up at me, blinking a few times, face void of any emotion.

Then, he stood up. And slowly a grin spread across his face. He opened his arms, and began to spin, around and around. I laughed, getting up and spinning with him. We spun until we couldn’t walk straight, practically giddy as we collapsed together into the snow.

“Let’s go.” Zacky murmured.

In the commercial world of rush rush rush, the day after Valentine’s Day meant an assortment of St. Patrick’s Day and Easter items simply had to be advertised. Shop windows offered deals that must have been due to the luck of the Irish, or an Easter bunny’s find. Strange to think about, as snow still piled on the ground up to our ankles.

Zacky bought us each a cup of hot chocolate from Dunkin’ Donuts using the money he had found, and we walked down the streets, admiring the sky and the warm glow of lights from windows. Zacky told me there was chocolate on my upper lip, and he licked it off before I could respond.

“One day I’ll write you a song.” He whispered, and my chest swelled with pride for him.

“I’d like that.” I replied, smiling and kissing his temple.

We were biding our time. We both knew that sooner or later we would have to go back or be found, either way meant that our little outing would come to a bitter end. We made our way back to the park, and Zacky said, “I changed my mind.”

“About the song?” I asked and he shook his head, setting down his cup on a picnic table and sitting on a swing.

“About you pushing me.”

So, I pushed him on the swings as the rays of sunlight faded from afternoon yellows to evening reds. I noticed Zacky was being completely quiet and I asked, “What’re you thinking about, Zee?”

He processed my words, mulled them over, then said softly, “I-I feel like I’m falling.”

I held onto the chains of the swing, slowly pulling it to a stop. “There.” I smiled, going around to the front of the swing to look at him. There were tears on his cheeks.

“I feel like I’m falling, and one day, I’m going to hit the ground.” Zacky’s eyes fluttered shut. “I will hit the ground and I will die.”

“No, that’s not true.” I pulled him from the swing and wrapped my arms around him. “You’re not falling, You’re fine, Zacky…”

“No, not literally.” He whispered, “But my world is crashing down, and there’s no one that can catch me.”

“I’m right here, aren’t I?” I kissed Zacky’s lips, dried his tears with my thumbs. “I’m right here. And even if you fall, I’ll be right by your side to catch you every time. I promise.”

Zacky threw his arms around me, lips crashing against my own. I stepped back, surprised, but then smiled into the kiss, tongue tracing over his bottom lip. “I will always be there for you, Zacky.” I murmured, “Always. I promised. And you know what a promise means, don’t you?”

Zacky nodded, burying his face in my neck. “A promise means forever. Y-You can’t break a promise, Brian, not to me.”

I smiled, stroking his hair gently. “I wouldn’t even dream of it. Not in a million years.”