LOVE-GONE / XIAODERY

NINE.

dejun avoids him for the rest of the trip. guanheng doesn't know what to do so he does what a semi-normal person would do: he texts his emotional support teacher to ask to speak to his husband the minute he gets back from the trip. ten must know something is up because he doesn't ask what happens, he replies with a simple okay. 

once guanheng actually meets with kun (and ten in the corner grading assignments, but he doesn't interfere that much so, is he really there?) it's much scarier than anything he's ever done. maybe it's the nice, polite smile on his face that could easily turn evil that scares him or maybe it's the fact that he has to tell him that "hey i accidentally kissed my soulmate and i think he hates me but i'm not too sure but basically what i'm saying is i need you to speak to him for me because i'm a coward." 

kun stares at guanheng as he paces back and forth in the classroom, he's gonna be honest, if the way he was acting is not up to par with the situation he might just smack him. 

ten speaks up from where he's sat next to kun, "guanheng just tell him. i'm sure what you did wasn't that bad, i think." 

maybe ten says that because he too, has no idea what he did and just wants him to say it but that's what makes him spill.

"i kissed dejun and i may have told him that i loved him and i'm one thousand percent sure he hates me now." 

kun sighs, "why would you say that?"

"it was in the heat of the moment." kun sighs and guanheng thinks kun will say something like, "oh, i'll talk to him!" or something like that but he doesn't. 

all he says is, "i can't help anymore. this isn't my problem anymore. you have to solve this." 

guanheng almost wants to snap and scream and cry at him to tell him to help him but he's right. he caused this, he has to make it right. 

guanheng leaves his classroom and immediately finds himself face to face with dejun. he doesn't know whether dejun was waiting for him or kun. it doesn't matter at this point. 

"dejun, be honest with me." said boy looks at him with those good awful soft eyes that make guanheng melt but it was not the time for that. 

"do...do you love me?" dejun sighed. love. love was such a bad fucking feeling. he hated it. love, what was love? how do you know what love was? did he miss a day in school where they had taught about love? he doesn't know what it's like to be loved, so he can't answer a question like that. is it supposed to feel good? he doesn't know so he stares at guanheng in silence. 

"we kissed." guanheng says, dejun stares at him with no sign of significance to him. 

"does that not mean anything to you?"

"no, it doesn't!" dejun shouts, "you...you don't get it, do you?" he asks softly and all guanheng can do is tilt his head and ask, 

"what exactly don't i get?"

and maybe it was the way that he said those words or maybe it was just the words themselves. guanheng doesn't know because he would never understand dejun and maybe that was a part of love. not ever knowing your partner enough but if that was true, then why was everyone so happy? soulmates were supposed to bring you happiness and true love but this? this was anything but happiness. so maybe….just maybe sometimes soulmates were never meant to- 

no, stop. 

guanheng wants to cry but he can't. he doesn't want dejun to feel bad and if he did that, he would never forgive himself. 

dejun sighs and by what he says, he's been holding it in for a long time, "to love me is the greatest insult." 

guanhengs breath hitches and his eyes as quickly as the other boy says those words, gloss over. tears spill from his eyes slowly and with the quick swipe of his fingertips, angrily he responds, 

"well then i guess i've been insulted the most."

☆