Real

10

𝐓𝐖; 𝐒𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝟏-𝟖𝟎𝟎-𝟐𝟕𝟑-𝟖𝟐𝟓𝟓𝟏-𝟖𝟎𝟎-𝟐𝟕𝟑-𝟖𝟐𝟓𝟓𝟏-𝟖𝟎𝟎-𝟐𝟕𝟑-𝟖𝟐𝟓𝟓𝟏-𝟖𝟎𝟎-𝟐𝟕𝟑-𝟖𝟐𝟓𝟓𝟏-𝟖𝟎𝟎-𝟐𝟕𝟑-𝟖𝟐𝟓𝟓

I want to preface this by saying I'm so sorry. I'm mostly sorry to my mom & Archie.
I should have told you guys I was getting bad before it went too far.
But you have to understand she destroyed me.
Betty Cooper ruined me.
I'm so thankful you guys pulled me out of that situation helped me get away from her but in my mind, I could never escape her.
You may think I'm just living in my delusion.
That I'm just totally out of touch with reality and have no clue what's going on.
But that's not what's going.
I know she isn't real.
I may have fooled myself in the beginning but now my eyes are wide open.
I understand I made her up.
However, you must understand that she was more real than anyone could ever imagine.
She reminded me so much of Betty.
She was there to remind me of Betty & in some sick screwed up way she was Betty.
She was the bad side of Betty.
She was the side of Betty that would yell & scream.
She was the side of Betty that would hit me when things got bad.
She was the side of Betty that encouraged my insomnia.
She was the side that wanted me isolated.
She was the side I hated most but couldn't escape.
I honestly cannot still live anymore.
Because to live would mean to eternally be stuck with her always encircling my mind.
Always there to taunt me.
Always there to keep me from sleeping.
Always there to keep me from eating.
Always there to isolate me.
But most of all she'll always just be there.
Her presence always looming making me sick & I can't live with that.
I can't live with the decisions she impacted so strongly.
Yes, I make my own decisions.
Yes, I ultimately choose who I am but you wouldn't understand how hard it is to escape her.
She's just so damn endearing.
The type where you just want to be around her so that you can simply say that you're around her.
She wrapped herself around my entire mind.
I couldn't think straight.
My grades were tanking and I couldn't handle the pressure.
She wanted to leave town and I was willing.
I should've told you all what was going on but I didn't.
I didn't need it troubling your minds.
No one deserves to be treated the way she did me.
Except I did deserve it.
I always fed off everyone's love taking but never giving somehow always screwing things up.
Then I killed someone and I knew what had to be done, I just didn't know when i'd be able to do it.
She was clawing at my mind telling me how to do it.
When to do it.
I needed to get rid of her.
She was eating away at my life she made me feel empty and hollow.
She made me feel hopeless.
Like I was sinking and would never be able to pull myself above water. Then I finally cracked the code.
I knew what had to be done.
She couldn't die unless I did too.
I'm aware I'm going to be dragging her to hell with me but at least she'll be suffering too.
For once the suffering will be mutual.
This all may make no sense.
I say I'm aware she's not real but then say I need to die to be rid of her.
I of all people know how screwed up that sounds but you have to understand she is real.
She is more real than you reading this note or my body laying lifeless in the ground.
I know this will be painful to read but you must.
You must read it all. Because there's only one thing left that I need and that's for you all to understand.
Understand why I stopped calling you mom.
Understand why I stopped coming over to your place Archie.
And I hope you all can forgive me because I've forgiven myself.
And to you Betty I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I met you because if I hadn't things might just be okay.
But I don't want that living in your head because although you may be terrible I don't want you or anyone to blame you.
Because I love you.
Always have and always will.
I'm so sorry.
With love,
Jughead Jones.