I’ve never really given much thought to who came and went in my life. People came and went like they were going on a trip to the grocery store. I was sitting around a fire with all these people who’d came and went my whole life. Everyone but Jennifer.
The flames were warm against the chilly wind. I turned to walk inside to get a mug of hot chocolate. Timmy’s yard was big so it wasn’t a short walk, but it wasn’t a really long one either. Honestly I kind of enjoyed it. I had gotten used to being at Timmy’s house at one time but not anymore. It’s still the same place but it had changed. Timmy was neater with his messes. He and Jace were the same age, 19. They graduated already, the rest of us following suit soon. It didn’t really matter how long ago they graduated though. We still felt their presence at school even though they weren’t walking through the halls on a daily basis. Timmy had become a really close friend of mine. We talked almost every night on the phone for almost 2 hours. I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him. I know we have no future in lover terms but I know we have a future in friendship terms.
I ended my own thoughts when I skipped into the kitchen. Where did he keep his hot chocolate? He had probably moved it since the last time I was here. It used to be by the coffee pot because I don’t like coffee. I opened a couple cabinets thinking about where I would be if I were a box or container of hot chocolate. I found the mugs, my favorite one still being in the front beside Timmy’s navy blue one. That one was his favorite. Mine was purple with little eternity symbols all over it. I found a spoon. I went back for Timmy’s mug because I thought it would be nice to bring him a cup of coffee. Decaf, 2 sugars, 3 dashes of cream, not pours dashes, and a squirt of caramel. The caramel was a secret though, didn’t make him feel manly.
“You know it’s not nice to just walk in and not speak.” The deep voice behind me made me jump almost dropping Timmy’s mug.
“Aiden, I-I didn’t even know you were in here. Actually I didn’t even know you had shown up.” I replied, I was out of breath from jumping so hard.
“Didn’t think many of you would want to see me.” Okay bro I know we broke up but theres no reason to act like that. Besides he didn’t truly want to be with me anyway, he cheated on me with Jennifer whom I don’t speak to anymore.
“If we didn’t want to see you we wouldn’t have invited you. Aiden I know we aren’t together anymore so it seems like it would be weird for us to hang out but honestly I have no harsh feelings toward you. Shain might but that’s because he’s overprotective. You know how it was when he hurt me. You got protective. I will be honest I was hurt at first but I’m perfectly okay now. I can’t stay mad at you. I never have been able to. I feel like you should be more mad at me but don’t you dare walk in here moping around. Do you see Alex out there all over Shain? Yeah I don’t like that because she hurt him and I know him and Timmy wouldn’t appreciate mine and yours speaking so nicely. Aiden I’m aware of all these things. I’m okay I’ve moved on but I want to know one thing. I know I’m kind of being all over the place with my words but I’ve wanted to talk to you. I’ve been waiting to speak to you.” I said more than I intended to. I didn’t expect it to all come out in such a rush. Honestly I was still a little hurt that he did cheat on me because I wished he had the respect to tell me. I wanted him to be in my life though. Not because we dated but because we were friends and we have the same friends and I just couldn’t be the one to ruin his friendships. I mean he’s the one who brought Milk around but we’ve all adopted him. I couldn’t sit around and just know that he had to go make some new friends because we broke up on bad terms. We were hardly ever seeing each other anymore anyway.
“What do you want to know I’ll tell you anything just please don’t let me lose my friends over this. I’ll have no one to turn to. I know that sounds really bad, it sounds like I’m only worried about my friends and not you but I include you in my friends. I know they’ve all taken your side.” He looked really tired. I’m not sure how much sleep he’s even gotten.
“I want to know why. I know that sounds cliche as hell but I just wanna know. Like why didn’t you just end it? Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you make me believe you were so in love with me? Why did you buy me a promise ring and not even keep the promise? What was the point? Also why haven’t you been sleeping and why would everyone take my side automatically?”
“I was in love with you, I still love you but it. I don’t know. It’s not that I wasn’t feeling it anymore, it’s not that I didn’t want to hurt your feelings by ‘not telling you and sparing you’. It’s nothing like that. Paisley I don’t have an answer and I don’t have an excuse for my actions. I wish I did but I don’t. You deserve an answer and so much more but I can’t give you one. I don’t have one and I’m not gonna sound like that douche who cheated or left because we never went further than kissing. That never bothered me. It was never an issue. It doesn’t matter that you slept with Shain, I don’t know when that happened. I don’t care to know when that happened. I don’t even care that you lied to me. I wasn’t there I didn’t know and I don’t need to know the details. Honestly I don’t even know what happened with me and her. It was just a conversation and then all of a sudden it was way more and I don’t even know how it happened, I don’t know why it happened. I just know that it did. The spaces in between are really foggy like I was on cough syrup or something.
“All those guys out there. Shain, Jace, Timmy, Ian, and even Keylee they adore you and they love you and you’re like their little sweetheart or something. Paisley they’re never gonna sit and listen to me. They’re gonna do what it takes to protect you. You matter I don’t.”
I listened to everything he was saying. I listened hard and I listened good. When I felt enough time had passed for me to analyze what he had said I spoke. It would take me much longer to analyze all this information than he thinks it would.
“Thank you. You matter to you know. They all know I have no hard feelings for you.” I turned to pour coffee into Timmy’s cup. A thought hit me. “Wait did you say it was foggy and you didn’t know what happened?”
He looked around confused, like I had lost my marbles. “Yeah?..Why?” I set Timmy’s coffee cup down on the counter, practically slamming it.
“Aiden you didn’t willingly cheat on me!” He stood up.
“Yes I did Paisley I know it happened, are you in denial or something?”
“No! About a month before Jennifer told me I caught her at Shain’s house. She was seducing him but it wasn’t working so she drugged him. He was trying to fight it but he was about to give in until I walked in. Aiden you didn’t willingly do that.” I started dancing around Timmy’s kitchen. Not in a happy way but because I could finally give Aiden a little peace and we both have answers. “Not like we’re gonna get back together or anything. Not any time soon anyway.”
“Paisley this changes things. I’ve been going around this whole time believing I did it and now I realize I wasn’t even sober when it happened.” His eyes lit up as he was talking. He ran over and gave me a hug. We stood there for a few minutes just hugging. He finally spoke into my hair, he was crying. “I can sleep better now. Oh My God Paisley thank you. You don’t even know. I mean I’m still in really deep regret but I was thinking this whole time that I did it and di-- I love you and I know this doesn’t change anything but I just really want you to know.”
“Shh stop crying.”
