It's Hard To Be The One Who Stays [Kurtbastian]

Fork in the Road (April, 2011)

New Directions get off the stage, and Kurt meets them in the back. He suffers through Rachel's hard bouncy hug, Mercedes's warm all-encompassing one, even Finn's, steady and strong. They were amazing and dazzling on stage, and watching from the side, Kurt remembered how much freedom the group had given him, and almost ached with the memories.

"Hummel, come on. We're next!" he hears someone yell behind him. And yup. That's Sebastian's voice.

He pats Finn on the back, and ignore his friends' look of befuddlement at his obedience.

"I'll see you later," he says.

When he turns back, all the Warblers are standing in formation, although Sebastian is turned towards him, leaning back with his hands in his pockets.

Kurt smiles at him.

And then, because he's a little neurotic, he has to go and fix Sebastian's tie, which is a little crooked.

"Oi, personal space," Sebastian says, even as he stands still for Kurt.

"Like you could fix it yourself. Honestly," Kurt complains. "You've been wearing this uniform for months. How do you still get it wrong?"

"The changing room was distracting," he says.

They had had to share a room with New Directions, which could've turned out astronomically bad but thankfully didn't. And because Kurt appreciates Sebastian's compliance, he doesn't bitch more about Sebastian's ugly knot.

He finally steps back and pats the tie down, satisfied.

"You ready?" Sebastian says.

Kurt meets Sebastian's tone with a smirk of his own.

"Why don't you wait and see?" he says, and slides into the line-up.

They pool out on the stage as a unit, Sebastian stepping forward to give a few words about the concert. Kurt thought he would be able to make out his dad and Carole in the crowd, or even David Karofsky in his front row seat, but the lights are too blinding for that. All he can make out is that the house is packed.

But Kurt is a performer, and that knowledge doesn't spread nervousness throughout his body, it feeds the pride and excitement bubbling in him, desperate for an outlet. And the moment Sebastian steps back into formation, they're off.

"The sun goes down, the star comes up, and all that counts, is here and now. My universe, will never be the same. I'm glad you came, I'm glad you came," Sebastian sings.

The Warblers join him then, in harmony and rhythm. They're brash and confident, moving as one, throwing their voices into his, and if the song's lyrics are a tad too obvious, Kurt doesn't care. He smiles as brightly as the rest of the Warblers, sings and dances with them, and this is what the Warblers have taught him that he didn't know before—the thrill of being part of a unit.

The song ends, the lights flash out.

The moment they do, Kurt is tearing off his black and red blazer. Someone's holding up a flashlight off-stage, and Kurt moves towards it, throws on the monstrously kitschy disco-ball of a vest the stage hand's holding, and scrambles up the platform, trying his best not to fall as they're pushing it onto the stage while they still have the cover of darkness. The beginning piano chords are already starting, and someone rips off Kurt's ear mic and pushes a handheld to his hand instead.

He puts it to his mouth, takes a deep breath, and tries to keep the clenching fear of an entire performance resting on his abilities, the cold shiver of his body, out of his voice.

"First I was afraid, I was petrified. Keep thinking I was never going to live without you by my side..." he starts.

As he reaches the platform's apex, the lights flip on around him. His voice strengthens.

"I grew strong, I knew how to get along," he sings.

"And now you're back!" The Warblers join in. He can hear Sebastian's midtone voice melding in with Nick's higher one and Thad's huskier voice, echoing each other.

The song speeds, breaks out into its disco rhythm, and he's shimmying on stage, letting the lights catch on his glittering vest, letting his body and face and voice move with the triumph that he feels.

"I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high. And you see me, somebody new."

And he's singing, and the song is fun and kitschy but he chose it for a reason, and it might be a little too on the nose, but he hopes it reaches someone, somebody out there—

"Did you think I'd crumble, did you think I'd lay down and die?"

And he's not just thinking about Karofsky, but about himself, about Sebastian, about his dad and Rachel and Mercedes and everyone who's ever prevailed, as he sings. And this, this invincibility, this is why he fell in love with the stage, why he loves it still—

"I will survive," he belts.

And the Warblers echo him.

"We will survive," they harmonize.

And the stage plunges into darkness.

The audience roars up in applause.

He can hear whistles, wild shouts, what sounds like hundreds rising through their feet. The crowd's going crazy, and he's gasping for breath, but he can't keep the grin off his face as the lights turn back on, and it's absolutely fucking blinding.

The Warblers are standing there at the front of the stage, laughing and bowing, and Sebastian is turning back to him, the stage lights catching the blond in his hair and the green in his eyes, and he's smiling so so broadly.

He cocks his head to one side and reaches out a hand up to Kurt, palm splayed wide.

And Kurt, Kurt hurdles down the center steps of the platform so fast it's a miracle he doesn't fall, and he's laughing and hot with joy as his hand grasps Sebastian's, and then he has no idea who pulls whom, but he's suddenly in Sebastian's arms, and it's almost a teammate hug but not, Kurt clutching tightly at Sebastian's neck with one hand and his mic with the other, the roar of the crowd all around them.

"Not a bad performance, princess, " Sebastian breathes into his ear, and Kurt shivers from the adrenaline.

"Yeah, am I a trueborn Warbler now?" Kurt teases.

He can feel Sebastian's smirk forming against his cheek. "Like you have to ask," he says, and before Kurt can do more than feel all the conversation threads running underneath, he's pulling back, turning his body so that Kurt can see the audience, uniformly on their feet.

And then the moment between them breaks. Hunter pulls Sebastian farther forward, Trent tugs him into the crush of boys. He's slapped on the back and hugged and leaned on, with too little attention paid to personal space. The crowd continues its standing ovation, as he looks at the bright laughing faces of his boys.

They raise $10,000 that night. David Karofsky comes and thanks them personally, and while Sebastian stands looking stoic and uncomfortable, he says that it was for all of them, not just Karofsky, and Kurt thinks Sebastian really means it.

Kurt goes into the office the next day and cancels his transfer request back to McKinley for his senior year.

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