It's Hard To Be The One Who Stays [Kurtbastian]

Prior Commitments (Feb, 2021)

"No," Kurt says, waits to feel the decision reverberate through him.

Except it doesn't. He feels strangely calm, like the decision was made long ago and he was only putting the last nail in the coffin. He supposes, in a way, that is exactly what happened.

Most of Kurt's memory of that night, really, was of wanting to be in a more secluded corner, one where he could take advantage of a slightly drunk Sebastian. He remembers vividly flushing and biting down laughter, as Sebastian whispered into his neck rude conjectures about the other patrons, his alcohol-scented breath hot against his neck.

That night, next to Sebastian, he couldn't have stopped the curl of his lips for anything.

Blaine stares at him, his eyes wide. His hands have completely stilled around his coffee cup. The silence lingers, turns awkward.

Finally, Blaine speaks, his voice shaken. He looks like someone has just slapped him across the face and the sting hasn't quite hit yet. "I—Why? Just like that? Are you sure?"

Kurt nods, no hesitation.

"I love him. I'm happy with him."

He smiles.

"He's not – I know he's not particularly heroic or kind or open-hearted, but—I love that about him. I fell in love with him when he was a lot less pleasant. And now... now, he is kind and open and whatever else a lot, and trying really hard the rest of the time."

Kurt laughs as he swirls the spoon in his coffee around. As he talks about Sebastian, he can hear his voice get stronger, surer. "And he's seen me change the exact same way, feel the same things I feel about him. I'm never going to betray that."

Blaine's eyes light up, as if there's suddenly something for him to grab onto. He reaches out for Kurt with his right hand, his white band glinting in the light.

"I know you might feel obligated, but you don't have to stay with him. Brody said that you guys have been together for a long time, but that's no reason to—"

Kurt pulls his hand out of Blaine's grip so quickly that Blaine's hand hangs there in the air for several seconds before, before dropping awkwardly. Kurt would feel bad, except he can feel his pale skin flushing with the anger sweeping over him.

"I'm not obligated," he bites out.

Blaine presses his lips thin and goes silent.

Kurt breathes. He tries to push away the indignation, because Blaine isn't the first and won't be the last to look at his relationship and not see any of the things that make it so precious to Kurt.

He collects himself as best he can, and says, looking straight at Blaine, so that Blaine knows he means every word he's saying. "I can't imagine loving someone more than I love Sebastian, a relationship that's better than what I have with him. And more importantly, I don't want to."

"Are you sure you're never going to regret this? What if it doesn't work out?" Blaine presses.

Kurt looks up from his cake and narrows his eyes. Blaine only looks back defiantly. Some part of Kurt appreciates that Blaine doesn't back down easily.

At least there, he and Sebastian share a trait. Apparently fate recognized he likes stubborn men, because it's one of Sebastian's most infuriating and most endearing traits.

Sebastian has always been stubborn, and it's never been about conviction or ideology for him. It's only that he was too proud to do otherwise. Even when everything goes wrong, he stands with his shoulders straight and keeps on going.