It's Hard To Be The One Who Stays [Kurtbastian]

Path to Stardom (April 2012)

A/N: Hey!! Some more music to go with this Glee story :D There's some implied mature activities in this chapter, but nothing explicit!

"Nothing ever seems like it used to be

You can have your dreams, but you can't have me

I can't go back there anymore

'Cause I'm not

I am not

I am not the boy next door"

Kurt knows he hits the falsetto perfectly, he can hear it ringing crisp and clear in his head and in the practice room. He cuts the note off with a sharp grin at Sebastian.

Sebastian looks back at him with an unconvinced tilt to his mouth.

Kurt feels the triumph and performance adrenaline peter out.

"Was I bad?" he demands.

"What?" Sebastian says, frowning. "No, you were fantastic."

The response is swift enough that Kurt believes him... but Sebastian is still avoiding his gaze.

"But you didn't like," Kurt states plainly.

"I mean—I wouldn't say I didn't like it—"

"Fuck!" Kurt swears, looking away. He can feel tears starting to bead at the corners of his eyes. He doesn't have time for this, he already threw away "The Music of the Night" because it was too classic Broadway. What was he suppose to scrounge up now in time for his NYADA audition?

"No, hey—don't be like that, babe," Sebastian says, jumping down from the chair he was perched on and enfolding Kurt in his arms.

"I'm not going to college," he wails, "Rachel's going to prance off to Broadway and I'm going to end up working at the Lima Bean and becoming the bum on the corner of Elm Street who dresses in like, six layers of rags and smells weird, oh God, I'm going to have to become a street performer to feed myself—"

"You know that will never happen," Sebastian says soothingly, rubbing his back. "You can always work as my boy toy twink."

"Shut up," Kurt says, but he hiccups in laughter, the tears in his eyes and throat dissipating. "You're doing a shit job at being accepting and supportive."

"I'll stop when you stop being a drama queen," Sebastian volleys back. Kurt pouts, which earns him a kiss to his forehead.

"Look," Sebastian says finally. He pulls back to stare at Kurt's face, his eyes and tone turning serious. "As your... boyfriend"—Sebastian still pauses before he says that word, but he's getting better, it's been three months and he's had some practice—"I'm told by Cosmopolitan I have the responsibility to be honest with you. And honestly, the song's not doing it for me."

Kurt sighs, running his hands through his styled hair and immediately regretting.

"I was just so sure," he says, not able to keep the whine out of his voice. "I already ditched 'The Music of the Night' for this song because I thought that was too much of a classic audition song and I needed to take a risk. 'Not The Boy Next Door' was supposed to show Carmen who I am and my talent."

Sebastian thumbs Kurt's lips thoughtfully.

"Look," he says, "Why did you ditch 'The Music of the Night?' Because it was expected and overwrought, right? And sure, 'Not The Boy Next Door' fixes some of that, but it's still showbiz. And that means you'll still be compared to Rachel, who's more theatrical than jazz hands. Not to mention it doesn't tell Carmen anything she can't deduce from your application. You're the proud and out working class queer at a boarding school singing about being different and proud. The song's too on-the-nose."