Casual Moths // Angel Reyes

11: old wounds and guilt

There's a before and an after and the two are as different as day and night.

Before Daisy was taken and after. Everything that happened before is still fresh on her mind, distinctive and clear. Everything after is a blur. A mess of people coming and going and asking questions. The police, the club, all her neighbours and friends and family.

And all Callie can do is stare and blame herself because all of this? Her baby being taken and possibly in danger and definitely scared? That is all her fucking fault.

They'd been out searching all day, until the sun had set and it got too dark to continue searching. And now she's here, sitting on her mother's couch with a mug of hot steaming coffee in hand. Coffee she won't drink. She can't drink. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Life is altered so drastically and nothing matters anymore. Only Daisy. Finding Daisy. Saving Daisy.

From Callie's own faults and shortcomings.

Angel's been an absolute Angel in all of this, a rock to lean on and a lifesaver to keep her head above water. If it wasn't for him she surely would've drowned. It's just so scary now to look at him, look into his eyes and see the adoration he holds for her and all the pain they share right now. He shouldn't be adoring her, not like this. Daisy is gone because of her. Because Callie made bad decisions, selfish ones and dangerous ones. Angel deserved someone less foolish.

He's gone now, back at the clubhouse. They'd all come around, member's whose names she didn't even remember came by to offer their help. The ladies had brought food, more than she could eat, more than she would eat. Everyone came together. A big loyal family who had each other's backs. It was — very comforting and yet it didn't stop Callie's heart from breaking.

" We're going to find her. I know it, " he mother's soothing voice speaks up from beside Callie, a soft hand being placed on her shoulder. The warmth in her mother's eyes is something Callie will never grow tired off. It's so familiar and comforting and — it's home.

But there's only so much comfort a mother's touch can give. And it's reached its limit right here.

" Travis is unpredictable, mom. I don't — I don't know what he's gonna — "

" No! Stop that. Don't say that and don't even think like that. The police are out looking for him and they will find him. I know it in my heart and have I ever been wrong? "

Callie can recall plenty of times her mother's been wrong but this doesn't seem like a question asking for a truthful answer. So Callie doesn't say anything, just scoots closer to her mother and hopes that this time she is right.

__________________

Angel sits at the big table in Templo and though he knows he should be listening, though he tries to do so, he can't. His mind is far away, all over the place. He should be out there looking for Daisy, turning over every stone, knocking on every door. Yeah, the police are on it but what good have they ever done in Santo Padre?

He feels so helpless sitting here. He should be doing so much but the rational part of his brain knows there's nothing he can do right now. And yet he feels absolutely useless. What good has he ever done?

" Angel? " Bishop's voice is strong and unwavering and yet it holds an unfamiliar gentleness right then. " Look, I promise you, we're gonna find her. We're gonna do everything we can to find that little girl and bring her back home. Okay? They're your girls, I know how much they mean to you."

They are nice words, lovely sentiments, and Angel knows they are truthful and honest but he's also aware that there's no way Bush knows just how much these girls mean to Angel. They are his life and his entire heart and thought it's insanely scary to admit those things, if not know then at what point will he ever be brave enough to face those feelings?