Flowers in the window (r.v.d)

chapter thirty five

The songs for this chapter are contrasting and change depending on the scene: 

So, for the first part it's I see red by everybody loves an outlaw

(You'll see when the mood changes and know when to switch to the next songs) 

And then from there until the end  it's Take me to church by hozier and daylight by winterbourne

The cigarette in the centre of the table lazily extinguished in clusters of delicate whorls as three pairs of eyes concentrated on the patterns made, anything to avoid the dangerous silence threatening to overbear us. Because it should be four pairs of eyes watching the intrinsic patterns the smoke made, but it was three...three.

And it had been like that for the past 6 weeks and 4 days.

The silence was overbearing, threatening, choking all my words. I had to say something to break the miserable quiet. Anything.

"Tahlia was taken away from my mother last night" I said abruptly, interrupting the silence. Bella and Andre glanced at me and then to each other in worried confusion.

"She's staying with my aunt for now, so it's going to be fine, better than before actually" I sighed, "But I feel so fucking guilty, I feel like I should be there to check on her"

"Darling it's not your fault"

"I know, but I feel like I'm neglecting Tahlia you know?" I groaned rubbing my eyes furiously

"And I'd fly over to London this week to check on her and try and get my mother in line... but I just don't want to leave because..." I trailed off

"Because you're waiting for him" Andre finished off.

I grimaced, nodding my thanks sullenly as Bella passed me the cigarette.

"Let's go to the club again tonight?" Bella suggested noticing my sombre mood and taking a long drawl of her cigarette before blowing the smoke into Andre's face with a smug grin

Because this was our way of forgetting.

Forgetting that someone was missing, that someone had once been here to make our group of three a perfect group of four.

But had left us.

"I'm in" Andre mumbled, playing with the ashes in the centre of the table.

"You already know the answer" I chuckled weakly as they glanced at me expectantly.

Clubs, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes. That had been the order which my days had followed. My eyes had emptied, cheeks hollowed, skin paled. And we'd all noticed it, but no one had dared to say anything.

And so it repeated.

A vicious cycle.

A dangerous game.

And that's how I found myself at the club that night. Again. Surrounded by clammy bodies and smoke.

And no Ruel.

So, as usual, I lost myself in the throb of bodies and sweat as the alcohol burnt the back of my throat and I danced with the nearest person who happened to take an interest in me. Tonight it was a tall brunette. A tall brunette who resembled Ruel too closely for my liking.

"You're gorgeous" He whispered into my ear, lips fumbling and mouth fuming of alcohol. I said nothing, pushing myself further against him, letting my head fall back against his shoulder.