Don't worry My Son Mommy Will Take The Pain Away ( Complete ) [Editing]

sickness and pain

I was in the library writing when I suddenly stopped because I heard my mother discussing something with one of the maids. It caught me off guard. I felt my hands trembling. I could no longer write; worry stroked my heart.
 
- "It’s really odd… How is it possible for someone to suddenly fall sick?" - My mother asked.
 
- "I don't know, milady. However, the prince just passed out after he started to have an unexplainable series of headaches." -
 
- "It is odd indeed." -
 
In all my previous lives, whenever Nathaniel had headaches, he would behave aggressively and destroy anything around him. In my second life, my son died by Nathaniel's hands… My hands could no longer keep still after the memories flashed through my heart. I slammed the table while I sat up, which startled my mother. I'm worried about Nathaniel… about what he could do in his mad state. I bit my bottom lip. I could hear the voices in the back of my head: 'You wicked woman, you should die! Are you satisfied, wicked woman? Why won't you die? Get out of my face! Die! Go away! Die, die, die, die…'
 
- "Vivi" -
 
I could feel my heart race. I covered my ears trying to make it stop, but I kept on listening. I fell to my knees, went to a corner and smashed my head against the floor, trying to hit the sound out of my head. 
 
-  "Vivian!" -
 
-  "Make it stop! Make it stop!" -
 
-  "Vivian! Lily, go get the doctor quickly!"-
 
I was pulling my hair while my hands trembled. My son… I could feel the hatred flooding inside of me. Maybe I should end my life… Yes, end it, end it, end it all… It would be better for everyone if I didn't exist.
 
Suddenly my mother hugged me. When did she get here?
 
- "Hush sweetie, everything is going to be okay. I promise. I'm here." -
 
I slowly calmed down. After a while, the doctor arrived. Hannah and Lily were at the door listening, while my mother wrapped her fingers in between mine. The doctor injected me with something to make me calm. Suddenly, all the tiredness invaded me. I haven't had a good sleep in days… I feel stressed out.
 
- "It seemed that she experienced a panic attack. Her eyes showed a lack of sleep. She seemed to be stressed and she showed signs of having anxiety disorder." -
 
- "Vivian! Why didn't you tell me you were having trouble sleeping?" - My mother said worried.
 
- "I didn’t want to worry you. Both of you look very busy. I don't think it will make it any better even if I make you worry. I don't want to be a nuisance to you." -
 
I held her sleeve tiredly. She took my hand and held it close to her face in tears.
 
- "No! There is no way I would think of you as a nuisance! I love you, my baby girl." -
 
In my past life, I was always worrying you, so you became sick and she took advantage of that. Because she couldn't win your heart to become your actual child, she poisoned you. I blamed myself. I hated myself so much… Then I started worrying my father as well. If only you knew how sorry I am. And now, I'm worrying you again. I eased up and hugged her as she cried. I cried as well. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry… I held her tightly.
 
- "I'm gonna prescribe some medication that might help her with her anxiety disorder and sleeping pills." -
 
Who knew that living three lives could greatly affect this one so much. Am I ever going to be alright? My son, are you seeing this? Mommy will carry our suffering together.
 
After that, Hannah carried me to my room to get some rest. As she put me down, she bowed on her knees. I saw how tears fell from her eyes. 
 
- "I'm sorry, milady. I should have bought the pills when you told me to. This is all my fault." -
 
It's not her fault, yet she blames herself. She is just too loyal. In my other lives, she was always by my side. She only disobeyed me when she felt it could mean danger to me. I looked at her.
 
- "Hannah, get up. It's not your fault." -
 
- "I'm sorry, milady. If I knew you had trouble sleeping, I would have done better. I promise I will do better." -
 
- "No Hannah. What you did was right. You followed your intuition. What could have happened if I took unprescribed pills? I could have died. I don't blame you. I blame myself for not coming clean with my parents, so don't worry. However, when I ask you to do something, please do it next time, okay?" -
 
- "Yes, milady." -
 
In this life, I only have my parents, the Empress, Hannah and David. There’s no one else that I cared about. That's why, it's better if I disappear… then he will be happy and everyone else will be better. If only I just never existed! I hope this pain inside me will disappear when I die.

Fatal2020