Let go (Akaashi x Reader)

It's time

You had been feeling quite down lately even though everything was going great with Akaashi. It had been 2 weeks since you had your firsts. He had to attend volleyball traning camp for a week in two days. You had an internally bad feeling about him leaving. He didn't seem too well off when you became really clingy all of a sudden.

You weren't one to do a lot if PDA and neither was Akaashi but now, you were constantly searching for him at school and texting him constantly. Ever since the day you guys had sex, you began to hold onto Akaashi like a puppy dog.

But he had to leave for his training soon. You had cried the morning before he had to leave.

"(y/n) whats going on?"

"nothing, I- I'm just gonna miss you thats all" you replied back.

2 more hours until Akaashi would leave, you were cuddling next to him. Your whole body weight on top of his as you buried your face into his abdomen.

Akaashi went to grab your wrists to pin you around so he could do it with you before he left. "Ouch" you say quietly.

Akaashi quickly loosened his grip, his eyebrows furrowed as he said "did I hurt you?". You shook your head and pulled your wrists away from his grasp.

He pulled your hand back and lifted up your sleeve. Lines on lines went up your arm revealing itself as Akaashi slowly lifted up the cloth that covered all your pain. You had began numbing yourself after everything that had happened with your dad. There were no tears or explanations to give Akaashi.

"why, (y/n). what does this solve?"

You slowly looked down, patterns of horizontal scars, fresh and fading. Akaashi kissed your palms and his eyes sincere. They looked as they were filled with regret.

"It's fine Akaashi, this just happens once in a while" You said with a small smile as you looked him in the eyes.

"I'm not going to the training camp" He said with a hurry.

"Go Akaashi, leave. Don't care so much for me. I don't want to hurt you"

"Hurt me, (y/n), I love you. I'll alway be here for you" he replied, his words slowly breaking up.

"Let's break up" you said with a pause between each word.

"(y/n)..." He quickly moved in and kissed you and started slowly giving your face and neck soft pecks.

You pushed him away, you had no feeling in your voice as you broke up with him. You headed towards the door in a hurry and left his jacket on his bed.

"I need you to hate me Akaashi, don't get so close" you muttered in your head as you walked home.

Akaashi was frozen, sitting on his bed as he thought of what had just happened.

As you sat in your room laying on your bed, looking through the window at the sky. You were numbed at everything, every slit you did on your arm felt like nothing. "What is wrong with me" you asked yourself. You had been cutting since your trip back in middle school. It was constantly on and off but once it started, it was a habit everyday. It caused you so much breakage with your family and friends whenever you felt like this. You didn't want to drag people around you down with you when you were going through one of these phases.

But this time, it felt different from those other times. Your heart felt heavier. Like your cared for nothing, hoped for nothing and looked forward to an abyss. So much had happened recently and now that your dad was gone, the only person you have cared for, for so long. The man who would bandage you up whenever he found you passed out from cutting yourself. He was gone. There was no one left for you. No one left to take care of you.