Let go (Akaashi x Reader)

holding on.

(y/n) backstory

Midway through middle school, you planned a trip with your family to visit the countryside, reconnecting with distant relatives.

You never thought of yourself as ugly but actually, pretty much the opposite. You always saw that you had a unique beauty in yourself that others didn't and thats what made you beautiful.

"You're beautiful (y/n), always" your mother always says.

You never denied it, no one ever told you otherwise at least, until your visit.

A week of pure torture, judgment upon judgment, cousins telling you things that were wrong with you and aunts whispering suggestions on thing to change on your appearance.

Your mom never knew what they were saying to you but you know you couldn't say anything because she was strong on the saying that you should always keep family close.

Once you got home to Tokyo, you secretly cried in the washroom everyday, you started to feel empty inside.

"you're worthless"

"you'll never be loved"

"no guy will ever want to date someone so ugly"

"thats probably why you've never had a boyfriend before"

All these comments repeating in your mind like a ferris wheel, one comment will go back and another will come circling around your mind endlessly. The weeks before school, you stopped talking to your best friends and said that you were busy doing something. You had bags under your eyes, you didn't know if it was from not sleeping or from your endless crying.

A week before school, your tears dried up and you numbed yourself. You started breaking out from the stress and stopped brushing your hair.

Once school started, you decided to put up a wall, you didn't want people to get too close, you couldn't trust people anymore. You lied about your summer and you didn't seem to laugh as often.

Akaashi would always notice whenever you looked sad but you always said it was about school.

Some how you felt that Akaashi didn't believe you because he kept checking up on you.

how can I be so weak

I always said that people were overreacting whenever others called them ugly because they weren't

how come when it comes to yourself you can't seem to think that way

I hate myself

I hate myself"

You stopped wearing makeup, doing cute hairstyles and your voice became soundless, like you were reading a script every time you spoke.

You always said the correct thing, scared that someone would not like you and start making fun of you and your appearance cause of it.

Scared of rejection, you stopped talking to new people, stopped answering questions in class. You wished you could go back but you thought that you were smarter now, not vulnerable anymore, not living a lie innocently anymore. The world was against you if you didn't act the way people want you to.