Taming Alliston

Chapter 7

Alliston

Why everyone seems too caught up with their own lives?

I am not okay. I am lost. I am broken. I am dying inside. Ain't someone can see through my pain?

It's been a week mula nang makarating ako dito. Nagpasundo ako noon kay Railey pero she's busy with her kid dahil nasa business trip daw si Alice at walang magbabantay dito. So fine, I can take a normal flight naman and risk myself without security to protect me.

I also asked Jen and Grant if they can keep me for the meantime dahil wala akong mapupuntahan, but they clearly told me that they can't accommodate me for now dahil due na ni Jen and she might give birth anytime soon. Wala daw mag-aasikaso sakin. So okay lang, pwede naman ako magcheck in sa hotel. Again, without security. Pero okay lang.

I asked Van and Leigh if they can accompany me in buying my clothes and necessities. O kaya naman ay samahan lang ako because I need someone to talk to. Pero maselan daw kasi yung first semester ng pagbubuntis ni Vanilla kaya hindi daw muna sila pwede sa ngayon. Van's having mood swing na baka daw ikapikon ko lang. So Leigh had to passed me to Sammie knowing that I might hurt them pag napikon ako sa kanila.

Si Sammie naman hindi ko na mahagilap. Busy lagi sa duty nito sa hospital. Bukod pa sa ayaw talaga ako nito magstay sa kanila dahil nagseselos pa din ito na crush ako ni Terry at lagi nawawala sa huwisyo yung asawa nya pag nakikita ako. Sige, okay lang din. Alangan naman ipilit ko di ba?

I am left with Aria, but I don't want to talk to her right now. Pag nakita ko sya, maaalala ko naman yung lintik na kapatid nya na sumira ng buhay ko at dahilan kung bakit ako miserable ngayon. So, No. Though Aria is still my bestfriend, sigurado ako na mahihirapan itong iweigh pag nalaman nito yung pinaggagawa ng ate nya. Worst part is, she'll try to justify her sister's actions. That's for sure.

So si Hariette na lang yung natitira na pwede kong puntahan. She will not push me away for sure kahit pa gaano kalaki yung galit nun sakin dahil sa ginawa ko last year about her kissing Candice. But the worst part? She's not here. Nasa Canada pa din ito at hindi pa din umuuwi matapos kumalat yung blind item na pinagawa ko dahil sa sobrang inis ko dito noon.

So here I am now, sitting infront of a counter of a random bar, drinking myself to death, alone.

Hoping my friends would notice that I need them too. Wishing that somehow, they can sense that I am not okay even if I say that I am.

I just need a friend to talk to right now. I thought we're all each other's beck and call? Pag kailangan nila ako, I am always making myself available for them. I need them now. Can't they spare me even a minute of their precious time? I just need them. I need to hug them. I need to feel their warmth and presence. I need them to make me feel that I am not alone this time that I need them most.

Siguro ganito yung pakiramdam ni Kyeroh noon na wala ako sa tabi nya. That's why he seeked Rachel's warmth. The fact that he needs comfort when everything's slowly falling into pieces and he just can't stop it. All you can do is to watch it and feel that agonizing pain. Siguro kaya nagawa ni Kyeroh iyon kasi pakiramdam nya tinalikuran ko na sya for always choosing my friends who won't even choose to be with me in the end.

Louella is right. It will only take one mistake. Just one mistake is enough to cut my perfection. Just with one taint, everything I've built my whole life will crumble into tiny pieces. Ngayon pa nga lang na hindi nila alam yung nangyari sakin, wala na silang oras. Paano pa kaya kung malaman nila? They will spite me for sure.

No, Alli. Stop thinking that. Hariette promised you that she will not hurt you and that she won't leave you. You just have to trust her. In the end, she's right. You only get the love you deserve so you two should stick together. You both got hurt by the flame that you thought are for you, you both loved a wrong person.