PROJECT: Demon Annihilation

10: Underneath the Moonlight

Lamerexia

I never thought that losing someone could be this painful.

It seems like I was only capable of feeling this right at this moment.

The tears and the pain that I wasn't able to show back then came out and currently torturing me with an inevitable despair I could ever feel.

I never thought that this day would come...that I'll be able to express this kind of emotion...that I can be called a normal person who can cry the pain in my heart.

And that was all because of this man.

I never knew how miserable I was inside. I also never knew that I wasn't okay all this time. And it looks like I was the only one who didn't notice my very own feelings.

I'm just the one fooling myself.

All this time, I kept on thinking what's wrong with me. I kept on looking for reasons about my incapability of feeling pain or crying. But it turns out that deep inside me, I don't want to feel these emotions.

I never realized my own weakness.

I was so afraid to be hurt that I didn't realize that I was subconsciously breaking down.

Segrei was right. I am forcing myself to be okay.

I made myself into this.

He made me realize that it's okay to not be okay...that it's okay to be weak...that it's okay to stop acting tough...that it's okay to cry.

Crying in his arms feels like the heavens are watching me and consoles me with great serenity.

I was so thankful that he's here. Though I don't understand why Merill asked him to look after me.

Merill, are you okay out there? You don't have to worry about me. You know that I can handle myself alone.

"Are you okay, now?" His voice...I never imagined that his voice could be this drifting that I couldn't even answer.

"It's fine. I'll just stay here until you feel better." How can he be so thoughtful? He's still holding me in between his arms.

After minutes of crying, I feel a lot better now. Agad akong kumalas sa yakap niya ng mapagtanto kong basang-basa na ang uniporme niya ng dahil sa'kin.

"I-I'm sorry for losing my composure." I can't believe that I just let him see how weak I am. Sobrang nakakahiya.

"Don't mind it. Actually, I'm really glad that you let me see this other side of you." A smile formed on his lips. For some reason, it made me smile, too.

"I'm going back now." Paalam ko saka tatalikuran na sana siya ng bawiin niya ang kamay ko. Napatigil ako dahil d'on.

"Let me walk you home. Medyo malayo pa ang cabin mo."

Dahil sa sinabi niya ay wala na akong nagawa pa.

Walang sabi-sabi akong nagsimulang maglakad palabas ng HQ. Bumungad sa akin paglabas ko ang mga iilang nasirang kabahayan matapos ng pagsalakay.

Wala ng taong naglalakad sa paligid at tanging kami na lamang ni Segrei ang naririto.

We're just walking in silence underneath the purplish moonlight. Hindi ko maiwasang mapatitig sa napakagandang liwanag ng gabi. Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at nanatiling nakatanaw sa bilog na buwan.

Merill, are you looking at it, too?

The image of her death still haunts me that made my eyes water.