Silenced- A Larry Stylinson Story

Chapter 8- POV Harry: Has Anyone Seen a Curly-Headed One?

I feel my body sprinting out of Louis's house and down the road, towards home. I realize that I have left my algebra homework, but there is no way I'm going back there now. 

My body is running, but my mind is in a whole other place- a place of wonder and beauty. One of fear, chaos and regret. One of... love. 

That kiss felt incredible- so special and perfect. It didn't feel like any kiss Sophia and I had ever- oh crap! Sophia! What will she think? 

Oh, no. 

I can't tell her. But I have to- aargh! Why was that kiss so magical? I have never kissed a guy before. I'm not gay- at least I don't think I am. I am dating a girl, for god's sake! Am I bi? I don't know anymore! I am infinitely confused.

As I stop to catch my breath, my mind is going in a million different directions. Sophia, Louis, my sexuality... I don't know what to think. 

My phone rings and I look down to see that Louis is calling me. No, I... I can't talk to him right now. I'm too confused. 

I go straight to my room when I get home. I need to think. I have no one else to talk to about this- Louis is my only friend. But we just kissed, so that might be over.

I hear a knock on my door. "Go away!" I yell. I don't even care who it is. I don't want to talk to anyone. My door opens anyways. Gemma peers in.

"Harry?" She cautiously asks, "Are you okay? I heard you crying, and-" 

Crying? I'm not crying. I look in the mirror above my bed and... oh. I am crying. Ugh. Gemma continues. "Are you okay? Is this about Dad? Because he will be okay, you know."

"No, Gemma. It's not about Dad." I sign and look up at her. She's two years older than me- in Louis's grade- but right now she looks really young and innocent. "Can you keep a secret?" I ask. I really need someone to vent to right now, and I don't care who it is. She nods. "So... do you know Louis Tomlinson?" She nods again. "Well... you might want to sit down. It's going to be a while." She sits next to me on the bed as I explain to her everything that has happened. I tell her about the kiss, Louis's love confession- all of it.

When I am done, she takes a deep breath. "Wow. Harry... you've gotten yourself into a mess."

"No, really?" I exclaim sarcastically.

"Calm down, I'm trying to help you here! Um... first off, do you think you're gay?" She asks calmly.

"I have no idea! That's why I'm so confused."

"Okay, then tell me about Louis. What's he like?"

"Louis... he's amazing. He's sweet, he's kind, he's charming, he's caring, and he makes me feel important. He is beautiful, too. He's got these amazing green eyes. I could stare into them for hours; they have so much mystery to them. When he kissed me, it... it was incredible. I don't know how else to describe it. It was like everything else washed away and it was just us, kissing, that's all that mattered in that moment. Then I opened my eyes and all the magic washed away. I realized what a mess I had gotten myself into."

"Okay, now tell me about Sofia."

"She's gonna be so mad. I mean, she was already grumpy at me this morning because who knows why, and now I have totally let her down. I mean, I thought I was a good boyfriend, but now I'm a cheater. I kissed Louis! I freaking kissed Louis, Gemma!"

"Harry, I really don't want to play matchmaker here," Gemma says, "but I'm gonna leave you with some food for thought. When you talk about Louis, you get a spark in your eye. You talk about him like he's your whole world. When I brought up Sofia, you turned the conversation back to Louis. I'm not gonna straight up say it, but I think we both know who you really want to be with versus who you feel like you're socially required to be with."

I flop back onto my bed. Gemma's right. Whenever I think about Louis, my stomach does somersaults. He makes me so excited to be alive, and I just want to kiss him again. But I can't face him, not after I ran out on him like that. 

So... I'm gay. 

I'm gay.

I say it over and over in my head, slowly processing it. Alright. I'm gay. Each time I repeat it, I welcome the sound of it more and more into my brain. I'm gay, and Louis could be my boyfriend.

"Hey Gemma?" I look over at my sister, who has been staring intently at the wall.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. That really helped."

"Anytime, little brother." She smiles, then gets up and starts to exit my room.

"Oh, and Gemma? One more thing." She raises a curious eyebrow. "I'm gay." I announce with a grin. She grins back at me.

"Okay. I love you, kiddo."

"Love you too."

_________

It's the next day, I am determined to talk to Sophia. I feel so bad for roping her into this mess and I need to break up with her before I hurt her even more than I probably will. I invite her to my house after school- she has no idea what's coming her way. 

The whole school day goes by extremely slow. I try to be as normal as I can during lunch, but she can tell something's up.

I also manage to avoid Louis in the hallways, because I'm not quite sure how to confront him yet, but that doesn't mean he isn't occupying my thoughts. 

Everything I see reminds me of him and I can't stop thinking about that kiss. I want my lips on his again again so badly. 

When I arrive at my house after school, Sophia is already waiting outside.

"Hey, babe." She greets me with a kiss, and I look down. It doesn't feel the same. "What's wrong? Why are you being so weird today?"

"Just- just come inside." I offer, maintaining my eye contact with the ground. I lead her to my room and sit her on my bed. I stay standing.

"What is it? What's wrong?" She asks suspiciously. "...babe?"

"Okay. What I'm about to say is really hard for me so it would be nice if you could just listen." I begin. "So... I have been making friends with a guy named Louis. He is really sweet and amazing and... anyways, the other day I was at his house and... well, we kissed." I look down at her face and her eyes widen. Her brow furrows and her mouth twists into a frown.

"You what? Do you mean to tell me that you kissed a guy?" I nod slowly and cautiously. Suddenly, she launches into a speech full of pity. "Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry! That guy shouldn't have kissed you! Do you want to file a restraining order against him? Did it hurt? Did he force you to do anything else? I am so sorry, baby. Those kinds of people are horrible. What did-"

I interrupt her, angry. She thinks I was coerced into it. "Sophia, you don't get it. He didn't force me to kiss him, okay? I wanted to, and it was amazing, and I would do it again. And do you know what that means, Sophia? Do you what it means? It means I'm gay." Her eyes widen even more at the mention of that word. "Yeah, I know, It's unexpected. I'm gay." I declare. "And do you know what else it means? It means we're over." 

"Harry," She warns, "you know how I feel about those kinds of people. Are you telling me you're one of them?" She's spitting in my face as she says this. She knows I hate when girls spit. I nod ferociously. "So now you're breaking up with me? Because you're... gay?" She spits out the word with disgust.

"Yes, Sophia, for god's sake, it's not a swear word. I'm gay. But please, please, please don't tell anyone!"

She frowns at me in detestation and hisses, "You're a filthy little bitch, and I am going to make you regret this." before stomping out of my house. 

I sigh, half in annoyance, because of Sophia's threat, and half in relief, because now I can kiss Louis freely. I feel horrible for breaking up with Sophia, but... I feel good, too. 

Because now, it's all about Louis

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