Silenced- A Larry Stylinson Story

Chapter 24- POV Harry: Through The Dark

I hurt him. I nearly killed him. He probably hates me for it. Boy, I really messed up.

"Harry?" A quiet voice calls out from behind me. I spin around cautiously, curls falling messily over my eyes. A beautiful olive-skinned woman with dark brown hair, face wrinkled gracefully from age but still undeniably gorgeous, stands a few feet in front of me, shoulders hunched over and grief-stricken face stained with mascara-tears. She looks absolutely exhausted, and astonishingly resembles Louis. "I'm Jay, Louis' mom." She explains before nearly jumping into my arms, and I gratefully accept the cozy embrace as she sobs into my shoulder.

How does she know who I am?

After a few minutes of swaying comfortably- but not awkwardly- she's still holding me excessively tight and I can't seem to breathe correctly. I pull away gently and leave my hands resting on her shoulders. "Um," I begin. "How do you know who I am?" She chuckles faintly.

"Right." My hand is pulled by hers into a gentle grasp and I am led to a seat in the waiting area. Jay sits down in the chair next to me, leaving a small hand on my knee and still sniffling repeatedly.

"Louis hasn't come out, but I've always known. He doesn't know I know, and that's fine, and I will always support him." I look down at my lap, wishing my parents were more supportive. Jay's eyebrows fold up and her soft hand takes mine again. "I know I haven't been the best mother to Louis and the girls. I have to work nonstop just to pay rent, and trust me, I hate not being able to see them a lot, but I still pay attention when I can. I hear him crying every night in bed scolding the world about why he can't be with you. I heard that one phone call between you two that night. I have heard you sneaking into his bedroom each night for the past week." My cheeks flush red. "But it makes me very sad that he hurt himself this bad and didn't bother talking to me about it." She shakes her head disappointingly and looks at me with a frown. It feels like she is staring into my soul, and I can't hold it in any longer.

"It's all my fault!" I blurt loudly then clap a sweaty hand over my mouth in regret. Her face twists into a confused gawk that begs for me to explain myself. "I- I knew he's been doing this, I did. I surprised him from school at the beginning of winter break and I found him in the bathroom hurting himself. I knew. He promised not to do it again- I didn't think he would. And then I broke up with him because I know it won't work and now he's done this. I could've stopped this." At this point I have run out of tears but nonetheless sobs heave my tired shoulders. Jay reaches over the chair and rubs my back gently.

"Oh, honey. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault." Her soft touch pulls my hunched shoulders back to correct my posture. I can see how much Louis resembles her.

"You guys, he's okay." Niall reports, out of breath, jogging over to us. He has been bothering the nurses nonstop to try and get news on Louis's condition. My shoulders relax in relief and I bury my head in my hands. He's okay. I didn't kill him. "That's all they said to me, but they said you two could visit him."

Jay looks at me joyfully and stands up quickly. "Let's go."

I don't stand up but instead shake my head firmly and sink down into the uncomfortable hospital chair. "No."

"Harry, I told you, he's fine." Niall protests.

"I can't. He's not going to want to see me. He probably hates me right now. I'll just wait here." Niall and Jay try to convince me otherwise, but I stay planted in the hard blue chair. I just can't.

God, how I want to see him. With every inch of my body, I want to reassure the smaller boy, and stroke his caramel fringe and whisper some of my cheesy jokes that he hates so much into his ear. But I just can't. He doesn't want to see me.