Silenced- A Larry Stylinson Story

Chapter 17- POV Harry: Sweet Creature

{TW: Self-Harm}

It's late December, and it has been over a month since I last talked to Louis, though I think about him more often than not.

I am strolling through the school grounds with Liam, swirling around and catching snowflakes on my tongue. I love winter. It's the time of year when I can cuddle up with lots of fuzzy blankets and watch cheesy Christmas movies next to a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. I can sip hot cocoa with tons of marshmallows and eat as many Christmas cookies as I want without feeling guilty. The soft, fluffy snow is always so fun to play with and build snowmen in, and then when I get too cold I go inside and sit in front of the fire to thaw. I get to stay home from school and play with Gemma and all of my troubles whisk away and all there is to think about is presents, and movies and games and the smell of pine trees and fresh baked cookies: the smells that signify happiness, love, and excitement for the new year.

But this year, it's all different. Usually my happiness during winter sources from good smells and soft swirling snow. But these past few months, my happiness has sourced from Louis. He's alI I want for Christmas- I don't care about any expensive presents or trips to other countries. I just want him.

I am only allowed to go home for two weeks during Christmastime, and I haven't told Louis yet. I don't think I will. I would love to surprise him, though I will have to think about how to do that without my family knowing.

"Harry, look!" Liam points towards the school entrance stairs. I turn my head to look for what he is pointing at, but can't see anything interesting.

"Wha-" My sentence is interrupted by two strong hands on my back and then I am face down in the cold, cold snow. Lifting my face up, I glare at Liam. "What was that for?" His laugh is contagious, so I join in. I grab his collar and pull him into the snow next to me. We are both howling in laughter, freezing cold and wet, and for a second- just a second- all my pain is gone.

Then I look up at the glowing full moon and realize Louis is probably looking at the same moon. Louis. Louis Louis Louis. My baby, my beautiful, altruistic, wonderful, sweet, sweet creature.

_______

The car ride home from school with my family is completely silent. The only words spoken were a quiet, "Hey, Harry." from Gemma when she hugged me upon arrival. I can tell my mom is trying to avoid eye contact with me by directing a guilty stare at the ground. My dad seems to have no emotion whatsoever, except for when he growls and furrows his brow at other menacing drivers.

I stare out the window the entire ride as the rain drips down the window. When I was little and it was raining and I was in the car, I liked to gaze out the window and pretend I was in a sad movie.

Only here, now, I'm not pretending. My life is pretty sad.

I want to go back to that time, when I was a kid and the only things that made me upset were the lack of Lucky Charms in our household and the fact that I wasn't allowed to play football after dark. I was so carefree and the littlest things like ice cream and trampolines brought the kind of smile to my face I haven't experienced in months. Back when I was just plain happy. Back when life wasn't so complicated.

As we pull into my driveway, I announce that I am exhausted and that I will be spending the remainder of the night in my room, resting. I shoot Gemma a glance that asks, "Cover for me?" and she nods in return. I let out a few yawns to further prove my point and trudge up to my room, where I push a few pillows under my covers to make it look somewhat convincing that I am asleep.

I take off my school uniform, a maroon red sweater and loose khakis, and look in the mirror. I am quite thin- I haven't been eating much- but somehow I still have faint abs.