Random Namjin : knj x ksj

Veintiocho: Namjin

(All credits to the creater of this fanart.)

“Why?” Jin whispers.

Namjoon inhales deeply before answering but Jin beats him to it.

“I don't get it! I really don't get it Namjoon! Why why why why why why!? Why??? We tried so hard to make things okay between us again and now you wanna go and throw it all to shit-”

“I don't want to okay? I just have to-”

“Again with that have to bullshit! You know what Joon? I'm fucking sick and tired already. The look in your eyes tell me what you're gonna say- The I don't deserve you bullshit.”

“But it's true isn't it? You think what I did was some stupid natural fuck up? You think we can just get past it? I cannot. I cannot bear to touch you or look at you. As much as I want to, gut punching guilt hits me. We want to be with each other but can we? Our feelings don't match our reality. Right now you're okay but say in a moment, when we're arguing and I'm piss mad you won't get flashbacks? Can you - can you assure me that you won't fear the monster behind this face?” Namjoon all but screams.

“Jinnie baby, I can have you hate me and live with it, but I cannot imagine you being scared of me. Nothing I say or do can make this better. This-” he gestures between them “cannot happen.”

“So what? You're gonna walk away like a coward?” Jin questions. “Sure I know what happened, I went through it. It's called rape not non consenual sex.” he says making Namjoon wince.

“But what you gonna do now? It's done. Many don't have a choice, they have to wake up each morning next to their rapist. Share the same bed and in some cases, years of their lives. But I have one to make. And you're right nothing makes this better. Once, twice or everyday, it is what it is, no sugar coating. Call me a fool of the first order but I'd like to believe the man I love is still there somewhere- he presses his palm against his chest “in here.”

“You don't know what you're talking about.” Joon let's out a hoarse whisper.

“No, I am aware, of the intensity. I am aware of the work it will take. But I want this, this work, the severity of the matter, the flashbacks if any, I am choosing it all. The drawbacks, the negatives along with the positives. I am making a choice, to choose you along with what you did to me, even if it is in the past and you vow to never repeat it. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to forget it or ignore it or make it sound like nothing. What you did, even if it was only for once, it will always stay, but what we do from this point on is what I choose to focus on. I am choosing all of you, even the past. Now, it depends on you Joon, do you choose me? Do you choose to be with me? Do you love me? Will you show me how much you love me? This is your chance to win back my trust and to prove yourself, be a better man, not for me, for yourself first. Only then can you treat me and love me better. I am not saying we begin dating right now and jump into be-”

A pair of lips cut him off. Jin decides to give in to the taste of salt. He holds the head of the man he has come to love between both his hands while he deepens the kiss. He would never want this man to walk down the path of self hate. He wants to give his partner and himself another chance, their own shot at happiness and growth.
But this time he's more firm, more sure. The unexpected had hit him the first time, he didn't know how to handle things back then, but now he knows. He also knows that many might object if they knew, despite “what” Namjoon got his second chance but Seokjin is no child. He only behaves like one. Beneath his soft heart, he's rational and firm the exact opposite of his partner who is soft on the inside. They balanced each other and that's what they needed. What they are choosing right now is neither correct nor wrong, it is what works for them. They won't be perfect, they won't be ideal, but they'll be them and that's what matters.

Out of breath they pull back in synch, “bed, but I'm saying you deserve a chance, it's too soon to just give up like that.” Jin pants revealing his baby smile.

“Must you complete you blabber?” Namjoon asks jokingly.

“You love listening to it, don't you?”

“That I do, I love you Kim Seokjin.” he replies pecking his lips, a new shine visible in his eyes.

“I love you too, Kim Namjoon” Jin says before closing the distance between them once again, his left arm gripping his man's bicep while his right holding the nape of his neck. That's when Joon feels an unusual weight, making him smile into their make out. Jin had worn that watch from the antique-ware shop again.

•El Fin•

First off, I'd like to thank all of you for being a part of this journey. I could not have done this without your patience, thank you for not giving up on me despite my busy schedule.

Second off, To all those who came here thinking they'd find tons of smut, my deepest apologies. I never intended to write this much, I thought I was gonna make a smut filled book with my favorite ships but things just spiralled out of control. However, do not worry, I have got you covered. Eventhough this is the final chapter- there will be a bonus chapter.

And lastly, about the story, it would be absolutely okay if they didn't get back together since violation of trust in such a manner isn't something anyone can or even should bounce back from so easily. So for those who thought that this would be an apt ending by all means imagine that as your end to this book.

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Sarang,
Thiea. :)