Till Death Do Us Part

Healing But Not Really

We were at a local café shop, near the entrance. The flooring was a light brown marble design, and there were booths, and tables with chairs scattered everywhere. It had a very relaxing, homey type feel, and if I was under different circumstances I probably could have enjoyed myself a little more.

"So what have been you doing for these past years?" She asked feeling guilty. "Oh.. I uh was just doing normal teen things." This meeting felt like talking to a complete stranger, about your life. "I know this must be weird," She clutched my hand into hers. "But I want you to know that I'm the same mom from before." She sounded hopeful, and had a spark in her eyes, that said this situation could be fixed immediately.

"The same mom from before," I scoffed. "The mom I grew up with didn't care about what I felt. The mom I grew up with gave me food and a home, but she didn't really make me feel at home." I could feel my temper coursing through my body, as anger and sadness filled my stomach. "Do you know what it's like to walk home from school, and see other kids hug their mom, kiss their mom, say they love them?"

Tears began streaming down my face, and I snatched my hand out of hers. I heard faint whispers, and noticed that we caught the attention of some people around us. I quickly wiped the tears away with my hands, and the whispering slowly stopped. I looked down at my hands, as I began to fidget with them. "You may have given birth to me, but giving you the title of my mom is something you'll have to earn."

I heard her let out a sigh which said there's something I need to tell you. I looked up to meet her eyes, and her eyes filled with tears immediately after making eye contact. "Oh Seo Yeon there's so much I need to tell you, and I'm so sorry it took 7 years for this moment to happen." I scrunched my eyebrows, confused at what she meant. "What-what do you mean?" I was leaning on the edge of my seat, eager, but anxious to what she had to say.

"Seo Yeon," She sobbed. "I had a miscarriage when you were born." She covered her mouth to prevent loud sobs from escaping. I was extremely confused, I was the only child..right? "Wh-what do you mean?" "Seo Yeon, you had a twin sister named Sun-Hee," A bittersweet smile spread across her face. I-I had a twin sister, and didn't even know about it. "When both of you were out Sun-Hee was unresponsive, and we all tried to bring her back,.. but it was too late."

We were a crying mess. I lost a sister, and she lost a daughter. "So from that day forward you decided what, it was my fault?" I asked offended. She stared into my eyes before answering, and with a quivering lip she said. "Yes. I thought that if you weren't born I could have both of my daughters here. You came out first, and I was so convinced that it was your fault that Sun-Hee wasn't with us, and I despised you every since."

"I'm so sorry Seo Yeon, I-I can change, I can make thing-." I raised my hand indicating I wanted her to stop talking. "I-I need to be excused." I grabbed all of my belongings, and without giving it another thought, I dashed towards the exit. "Seo Yeon wait." I heard her call to me just as the doors closed. I didn't know how to process what she said, and I didn't want to talk or think about it without Kim. I picked up my pace as I made my way towards his house.

~~~

Outside I noticed that everything looked normal, so I walked up to the front door. I knocked not too hard, but not too soft just enough to where he could hear it. "I thought that if you weren't born I could have both of my daughters." As if a loud speaker was playing in my head, the words she said came back to me. I began pounding on the door, hoping it would just drown it out. "Kim please I need you." As if those words were a password, the front door opened, and Kim stood there behind the door.

"Uhh Seo Yeon... are-are you okay?" When I snapped back into reality, I threw my arms around his waist, and he wrapped his arms around the back of my neck. "Come on let's talk." He lead me inside, and sat beside me on the couch. The living room was how I remember it. Very basic coffee table in between the couch and the TV, and the aroma of smoke. "Okay so what happened?" Even though I was looking at the ground, in the corner of my eye I could see the compassion and empathy in his eyes. "I don't even know where to start." My voice cracked, and tears began to fill my eyes.

"It's okay, take your time." He gently rubbed my back, and I let a soft sob escape my mouth. I put my head against his chest, and I could hear his heart beating. It was soothing, and I closed my eyes as my eye lids began to get heavy. "Seo Yeon." Kim was shaking my shoulder, and I sat up to see why he had disturbed me. I looked at his face, and he was as pale as a ghost, and he was staring at a clock that had been placed on top of the TV.

"It's just 1:30." I said like it was obvious because it was. "No you need to leave now!" He stood in front of me, and tried to pull me off the couch by my wrist. "What?! No I'm not leaving!" He looked scared and frustrated at the same time. I have seen Kim in many states of emotions, but this one is a first. "Ugh you don't understand. Just leave please before she gets here." I got highly offended. "And who is this "she"." I asked.

"What? No its not like that. Why do you think I always come visit you during the day? And why you're never here in my house around this time? It's not a coincidence. It's because of.." He was abruptly cut off when the front door slammed opened, and a woman in her late 50 was standing there. Both of our heads shot in that direction, and we looked like a couple of dears in headlights. Her hair was a mess, and her clothes were discombobulated across her body. She stood slunched over, like she had been drinking.

"It's because of my mom."