Barely floating

Chapter 3: Frustrated

Inayat's POV: "really? really Inayat? YOU JUST REALLY HAD TO SAY THAT HIS DEFINITION WAS WRONG AND YOU ARE RIGHT? WHAT THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM? WHY CAN I JUST NOT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT WHEN IT'S NEEDED?" I asked to myself with frustration as I sat back in my chair. 

One of Alex's the friends, the guy whom I seemingly disrespected in front of the whole class is giving me a horrible stink eye as if she is going to kill me as soon as she finds me outside but the thing is I don't have a single clue about why she is so pissed at me, I mean I sure do get the fact that Alex might just be embarrassed and that's why he probably hates me but what did I do with her?

And If I am being completely honest, I don't even understand what I did wrong even with Alex? As why is being wrong so utterly scornful for humans, especially men?  We are naturally made to make mistakes that's just the way we have been created so why is accepting our mistake such a disgraceful thing? 

That girl is still passing me looks of disgust, seriously? What's her problem? I don't understand one thing, which is as girls it's our duty to lift each other up instead to tearing ourselves down then why do we forget our duty in order to protect the egos of men, so that the men think we are on their side or something? I don't even know what I am talking about but I sure do know one thing I hate patriarchy and there is no other thing on this planet which frustrates me more than that, not even Aunt Layla or my godforsaken messed up life, PATRIARCHY NEEDS TO DIE and that's not a opinion.

Nevertheless I guess today also I have to eat my lunch in the girl's dressing room because going to the canteen alone would just not be the most ideal thing I fear. When will this stop?

Caleb's POV: So finally the class ended and we all have been excused for the day, Oh my god! I felt I was going to pass out during the class but with hunger, heat or anxiety I don't know.

Now I had never been the shy type so when I try to make people understand that even I can have anxiety the reply I get almost all the goddamn time is "Why would you feel anxious, you are such an extrovert!" followed by a 'you are just being dramatic, lol!' look and I reply them with a 'anxiety is not a introvert or shy people thing, it's a human thing, YOU FOOL! but I guess it's my fault that I hoped you will understand ,so I will let you be entitled to your idea although is FUCKING BULLSHIT'  look, of course.

Yeah, I just had a mental outburst of emotions but it's not very surprising as it's probably been years since I have had an actual outburst even in front of myself as I guess, I fear the whole act which I have been putting on of being something I am not will drop and I don't know how to deal with the things which would happen next because I don't know what would happen next.

I have tried a million times to get myself to do it, to make myself say the three words and I know that would be it,  I would be free from this constant pressure of acting, of feeling ashamed, I could finally become myself but I won't lie I am scared, it's like I have been faking so much for for so long that I have lost the track of what was real, and I can't even estimate what will happen next if I stop acting, and that feeling of obliviousness itself is enough to stop me from doing the one single thing I want to do the most: Become myself again.

Speaking of wrong ideas, it might not seem like it but what happened in today's class was an extraordinary event and this would be written in the history of this batch in golden ink, ALEX WAS WRONG! AND INAYAT IS A BADASS! Though I can't see her in the canteen so she must be a smartass as well, as let's just say the nerd group won't be very pleased to see her face for the next month are so and yes I am not talking by the stereotypical standards but those people are actually that sensitive to remember this incident for next few months which I swear to god is the most stupid shit ever! 

Now I feel really awful for saying that about them where my own so called "friends" are exactly like that, actually they are worse, no they are the absolute WORST.

I had just taken my tray and returned to our table when I saw Sabrina, Lena and Asher standing in front of another table talking with someone else while Lily and Peter faced towards them dying of laughter as if they had just seen the funniest thing ever, from my angle I could only see their backs so I sat on the bench and asked Lily but before she could answer I realized who they were talking to, they were talking to Regina Holland.

Regina's eyes had swollen and it looked as if she was at the verge of crying yet she kept the smile on her face and maintained her calm, I feel like the worst and most helpless human being on this planet for not speaking up, Did Sabrina really just had to do that? I know I said that they were the worst but I guess I am one the them as well and I couldn't have hated myself more.

Everyone in our class knew Regina was going to return to Liberty High after dropping off an year as a few people had seen her sitting for the admission exam one month ago so of course word had spread like wildfire because who could possibly forget THE MOST POPULAR GIRL OF LIBERTY HIGH?

She was one year senior than us and infamous for her stunning looks, alleged hookups, wild parties and I guess you get the drill, she was an typical 'high school bad girl' stereotype until an year ago word spread that Regina was pregnant, at first I shrugged it off, thinking that this was just one of those rumors people spread to get back at the "Popular Clique" thing but then when she stopped coming to school, deleted her Instagram account and practically disappeared it was clear that those were not rumors. Her so called friends started pretending as if  she had never existed to begin with but when the gossip of her coming back to school broke everyone was dying to know what had become of Regina Holland but the decision had already been made: 'Regina is still the same whore she was before and maybe even worse', they just wanted to make sure they were right and even if they were not it wasn't like they were going to accept it or something: 'She is just acting to be good'

Bunch of shitty insolent idiots! They are so wrong exactly like they have always been, this society is wrong! This world is wrong! EVERYTHING IS FUCKING WRONG!

Regina Holland has changed, she is trying to change, she just needs a chance to prove herself, is that too much to ask for in this world? Just one chance?  but I guess it is and that's why I am still quiet as I witness them bullying her, the world doesn't give us a chance to change, neither for worse nor for the better.