Barely floating

Chapter 5: 'Habromania'

Isabella's POV:  Well, last class was quite a scene. Though I get where Miss Meredith is coming from with the whole "share your feelings with people who will actually understand" prospect but I also get where all the others who seemed genuinely terrified of the whole idea are coming from as well, because guess what there are still people in this world who are actually scared of attention, surprise! surprise! 

Nevertheless almost a week has passed by since Miss Meredith launched her site called, "Sharing feelings" not the most creative choice of name no doubt but I guess she had to try her best to make the purpose of the site as clear as possible, but I fear the obvious name which states that you are just supposed to share your feelings wasn't indeed obvious enough for the Liberty Highs as the first confession that was published on the site read, "Miss Meredith is THICKKK" , yes with three ks.

I mean sure that's a feeling worthy of being shared as well I guess? But then people went all nuts and it kind of become a place clotted with love letters, hate letters, teacher hate letters and lastly which site is best and the safest for watching porn so I did what any sane person would do, I blocked the site and logged out because 

I really don't need to know what happened in that newest video posted by the hottest porn star at this moment so let's just leave it there and drool over the cute Netflix guys instead.

We are still having the combined classes and apparently it's going to go on for the next whole month so that translates I still have a whole month to keep on hiding from making eye contact with Caleb Hester and sending notes to Lena, but weirdly enough from the last few days I have been noticing something really different and that is, Caleb Hester is loosing his shine.

Okay what? Loosing his shine sounds weird, but how can I explain this better?

So , the Caleb Hester I remember was a goddamn sun, no seriously, like he radiated this sort of happy vibe all the time that anyone who would come near him would just instantly become happy as well however from the past few weeks I can see that, he is still talking and smiling all the time but it doesn't have the same effect. But I also have an old habit of cooking up stories in my mind, turning one expression into a full on movie plot, I mean what do you expect I was raised watching Bollywood so I decided that it's just better for everyone if I do what I do the best, ignore, think it's all in my head and move for the day.

I just finished Biology which means I am free for the next two periods and I have two options which are: to go to the library and read some old books or I can sit on the benches at the corner of the football field and watch something online. I have been taking the first option for these whole week now so why not take the second option today?

With my bag hanging on one of my shoulders, while my hands are relentlessly busy trying to untangle the knot I had created with my ear phones I walk towards the bench which has the most shade I sit down, and put on my earphones which are still not completely untangled but I am lazy so I will use it like them.

I was surfing through my playlist when suddenly an instagram notification popped out which said, "You have to check the Sharing Feelings site, #Drama Alert" 

I know it must be one those extremely emotional breakup post or something because here drama means, 'this hot cheerleader broke up with her hot ten day boyfriend as all the love quotes have been deleted from her feed and her bio now reads, Sometimes you just have to be done, not mad, not upset, JUST DONE'  but I am bored and I would just read the confession not report on it so I decide  to login to the Sharing feelings site and pass the next hour,

I went to the tab for the latest confession and started reading it, this doesn't look like a breakup letter, wait what?             -----------------------------------------------------------------------

Has anyone around here ever heard the word "Habromania"? Well I had never heard of it as well until yesterday and funny enough although I am completely unfamiliar with this word my life is this word. 

All my life people believed  that I lived in this golden Castle, a fairy tale life where everything was perfect and as my life was perfect I had to be perfect too.

I had to be perfect in every sense, in every way, in every logic, why? Because I had no reason not to be anything but perfect, remember my life is perfect?

So I tried the old method of 'fake it till you make it' and became perfect, but I didn't even notice when when the phrase make it disappeared and the the only thing that was left was "fake"

Everything around me is a delusion my smile is fake, my emotions are fake and I am fake.

I live in Habromania and now I guess I have become
Habromania: the delusion of happiness