Stuck in the Middle

Chapter 21

I didn't see Marc or John in either of my classes all morning. I wasn't too shocked that John decided to skip, but Marc didn't usually do that. Part of me worried that they attacked each other again as soon as I ran out of the room. Did something happen? Did they hurt each other too much?

As soon as lunch break started, I headed back to my dorm instead of the cafeteria. I wouldn't be able to relax until I knew they hadn't killed each other. I felt like it was my fault they kept fighting because they were fighting over me. I never should have let all of this go on for so long.

But when I walked into the room, what I found was the last thing I could have expected. Both Marc and John were mid-makeout session on John's bed. Neither one of them were wearing their shirts.

I let the door slam shut behind me before I said anything. With the loud bang, both of them jumped. Marc pushed John off him, almost as he was disgusted at what they were just doing.

"Hey, Spence," John said, trying to act causal. His face was flushed, which was actually pretty adorable, even though adorable was the last word I ever thought I'd use to describe John. "What are you doing back here so soon?"

I couldn't speak. There were no words. My brain was still trying to process what my eyes were seeing. Marc and John. In bed. Together. The two people who hated each other more than anything else in the whole world.

"Spencer?" Marc asked.

I shook my head, trying to focus. "I think we all should talk." My voice came out barely above a whisper. I didn't mean it to, but I was nervous to even suggest talking. I knew we needed to talk, especially now. But I hadn't figured out what I wanted to do with my own dilemma, and now we had to include them being with each other into the mix, too? Why was this getting more complicated?

Marc grabbed his shirt and put it on while John stood up and walked over to me. I felt like I couldn't move. I was dreaming, wasn't I? This couldn't possibly be really happening right now.

"Spencer, breathe," John said quietly. His hand gently caressed my cheek.

I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until he said that. I exhaled it all in one puff, then took a deep breath in. "What are you two doing? I thought you hated each other."

"Maybe he's not so bad after all," John whispered. Then he pressed his lips against mine.

I leaned into the kiss, forgetting everything else for a second and just focusing on John. The taste of his lips. The feel of the little bit of facial hair along his chin. The way his hands wrapped around my waist, holding me close to his body - his bare chest. I felt like we were the only two people in the world.

But we weren't.

I broke the kiss, looking over at Marc. He sat on his own bed, staring at his phone in his hands. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but it probably wasn't good, judging by the frown on his face.

Stepping around John, I went and sat next to Marc. "Are you okay?" I asked him. I didn't know what else to say. I just wanted everything to be okay again. I didn't like not knowing where any of us stood or what exactly we were doing.

He looked over at me with his deep brown eyes. I wish I could tell what emotion they held. Saddness? Guilt? Pain? "Why would I be?" he said softly.

"You can't keep doing this to me." I looked at John. "Both of you. Are we together? Are we not? What are we doing here? I can't go on like this. I think it's too hard on all of us-" I looked back at Marc- "to not have any solid answers."

None of us said anything else for a long moment. I was starting to wonder if anyone would say something when Marc finally spoke up.

"I can't do this, Spence. Seeing you and him together really hurts."

I placed my hand over his. "I'm sorry. But it hurts every time I see you with someone else." I looked back at John. "You, too. I know I was doing the same thing, but I really like both of you. I don't know what to do."

John walked over and sat down next to me. "Be my boyfriend, if you want."

I think my jaw dropped open in shock. "Really? Just like that? Would you come out for me? Because I don't want to hide anymore. I've done too much of that my whole life and I'm done hiding."

"I'll come out for you," Marc said before John could even open his mouth. "If you want me to be your boyfriend, I'll come out to the whole school."

"I'll come out, too," John said, a little too quickly.

I rubbed my eyes, accidenatally knocking my glasses to the floor. I didn't care though, leaving my face buried in my hands. Why did they have to make this so difficult? I didn't want to have to choose!

Then there was still the issue of the two of them making out. Was it an issue? What did that mean for us at this point? Which us did I want? Should I just take myself out of the equation altogether to let them have each other?

"What are you thinking, Spence?" John asked.

I shook my head, not lifting my head up at all. I didn't know what to think? How did I say I wanted them both without sounding selfish? Without having an inkling of a plan for how that would even work?

"Please just talk to us," Marc said.

I shot to my feet. It was only after I turned around to face Marc and John that I remembered my glasses had fallen off my face, since they were both very blurry forms. I stared at the ground, hoping I didn't break them. But before I could even attempt to focus my bad vision enough to hope to find them, Marc held them out to me. I quickly grabbed them and put them on.

When they came into focus, I realized I still didn't know what to say. I had two incredibly attractive guys sitting in front of me, wanting me to make a choice between the two. Two people I have grown to care about so much over the course of the last month.

"I don't want to choose," I blurted. "I can't choose. Please don't make me choose."

"Nobody's asking you to choose," John said.

Marc snapped his gaze over to John. "What? I thought we were on the same page about not wanting to share him?"

They talked about sharing me? Was that why they beat the crap out of each other? There was a weird knot in my gut at the thought.

"Yeah, that was before I had a taste of you."

My mouth dropped open as I stared at John. He sounded so cocky when he said, like he knew a way to solve all our problems and I wasn't sure if I heard him right. He couldn't possibly be saying what it sounded like, right?

"What's that supposed to mean?" Marc asked.

John smirked, putting his hand on Marc's thigh. "I know you enjoyed it, too. So, what do you say?" He looked over at me. "The three of us? We can make a go at something official?"