The Point Of Life.

Ciggarettes

Today I have had a feeling of urgency. It’s been exactly 29 days since I had my last cigarette and the whole way through Religious Studies when the teacher was rumbling about different cremation ceremonies I  couldn’t hold back the feeling.

My religious studies class is rather interesting. I sit on a green stool chair hunched over a table in the 2nd to back row in the room. Next to a skinny girl named Melissa who normally chattering away or was singing to herself. Her nickname is ‘Alien girl’ as on the first day of class she had her hair in 2 high bunches and a Hindi spot on although, after actually asking her, she isn’t Hindu or even religious.

Melissa is a very nice person really. She looks classically Norwegian with long blonde hair and almost sky blue eyes. What is saddening is that you can tell Melissa isn’t loved at home and that in consequence to this she dislikes herself. [Just to confirm any thoughts you might be having about what I just said, remember I spent a long time in hospital surrounded with doctors.]

She is always talking about her Japanese friend, who I gathered to be named Yajiro but given the nickname ‘Toad’ for some reason. She tells me that he tells her that she’s ‘too innocent for her own good.’ I am not sure if this is sarcasm or not as Melissa always smells of cigarette smoke. It’s so blatantly obvious that she has feelings for Yajiro but I  didn’t mention this to her at any point. I’m trying to make friends not arguments.

One day after class Melissa asked me if I wanted to hang out with her and her friends at Robin’s house, as she lives closest to school and the tram station. Knowing I didn’t have a date with Nara afterschool I agreed to going along with them. Suddenly a slightly muscular Asian guy walked in asking:

"Hey Mel are you going to be ready soon? I’ve had the worst day not to mention 3 surprise exams and I seriously do need a cig. Yo is this the guy you were telling us about?"

I gathered this to be Yajiro before he even introduced himself. I knew this as Melissa is always talking about how Yajiro cares about his body enough to work out and that he calls her ‘Mel’ even though she dislikes it but really I knew she loved it. Yajiro had an agitated look on his face and dressed in all black except his thick demin jacket. In all honesty as soon as I saw Yajiro I knew we would get along.

"Yeah, I probably am. I’m Aaric, you are Yajiro I assume?" I tried to sound friendly but not overly excitable.

"How do you… You know what it doesn’t matter, we shall discuss it later. I’m having serious nicotine cravings at the moment." He gestured towards the door and opened it for me and Melissa.

...

When we reached Robins house we went and sat on the garden roof. The house was more of a rent out loft area but I gathered Robins parents had enough money to buy the whole actual building and build a converted roof garden filled with little plants and wild flowers everywhere. In all honesty it was like being in the Amazon rainforest up there except that it was colder and groomed.

Robin herself was a very lovely person, she liked to play strange music whilst we sat and smoked and she told the greatest stories. Even when describing her day it sounded like an adventure captured in a small glass bottle. Her light auburn hair was waist length except for her front fringe which reached about halfway down her forehead. She was very accepting of me and for this I guess I owed her a favour or two in the future.

We all sat in the sofa garden chairs in a rough circular shape. On my left were Melissa and Yajiro, who seemed like they should be in a room by themselves. On my right was another guy called Jacob who I was stunned to find out was the same age as me as he looked about 3 years older. He talked very lightly about everything, like characters do in movies in the introduction or end. He looked magical, like a character from Harry potters except that Jacob liked rap music too much to pull the look completely off.

There’s something else about Melissa I forgot to mention that is probably going to be important. This wasn’t my first time meeting her. I mean I don’t just know her from school or Religious Studies. Before, when I was ill and in hospital I remember Melissa having to be wheeled in. She had to be wheeled in as she was in a state of complete shock and I remember this as when I first went to talk to her she didn’t talk. She didn’t even blink. I sat with her for 4 hours waiting for her to respond but she didn’t. Back then she was different looking, she was younger and she was a little bigger and her hair was cut short with a braid that she always fiddled with when she came out her shocked state. I never knew what happened to her but for as long as I remember I sat with her for hours every day and we just stared at each other or out of the window. I guess she thought of me as a friend because of this past.

"So tell us about you Aaric,"Robin questioned in her strange and Dutch like accent. I had to withdraw the urge to correct her sentence and instead I shrugged, not really knowing what to say.

"Come on man, don’t hold back on us"Yajiro pushed on further, "do you have a girl?"

"Of course he doesn’t own a girl- that would be illegal and hey did you guys know that Dude means Camel foreskin or something? That’s so whack to think about, like a Camel actually having a penis to begin with."

Jacob spoke in a way that would make you think he was intoxicated on a novocaine. We all looked at him in utter confusion and shock as we laughed and threw litter at him until he insisted we stopped whilst laughing to the point of tears.

"I’ll tell you about myself if you ease up on the Camel foreskin." I looked at Jacob and we shook hands, laughing and puffing out smoke. "Okay right, what to say, what to say? I like reading and listening to John Lennon and reading out loud to Alice-"

"Hold up so-o-o you do have a girl?" questioned Yajiro, seeming more interested in Melissa as he intertwined his fingers with hers.

"She is a friend… Well I think she’s my girlfriend but I’m not really sure. She’s very confusing and I don’t entirely understand the concept of a girlfriend."

"Have you kissed? What does she look like, I might know her." I laughed as Robin questioned me flicking ash at Jacob who was sat upside down on the sofa prodding her for a cigarette with one hand and holding a phone in his other hand.

"Obviously we’ve kissed and stuff but she just dumped her boyfriend, so it’s complicated really."Melissa quickly interjected asking in a giggly voice;

"How long ago was her breakup before you kissed her?" She has an eyebrow raised at me and I laugh and grab another cigarette from the pack, making it my sixth one so far.

"Well, you see that’s the complicated part." And as if in harmony they all pushed me and pinched my arm whilst making a childish ‘Ooo’ sound at me.

"OKAY, okay please stop! Well we kissed after school, probably 3 hours after she broke up with him."

They all turned silent for a couple of seconds and exchanged looks with each other before Jacob nodded and asked me,

"Is this Alice perhaps, dark haired with a tan look and brown, I mean really big brown eyes?"

My smile dropped as he described her and I nodded before asking him how he knew this. At first I was scared that she had a scary background or that she was as Jacob would probably put it ‘ape shit’.

"She went to be previous school, that girl is a serial flirt. Ah man I remember- I remember she used to be overweight then KABAAAMMM one summer she came back looking like a freaking Goddess. Apparently one of her last boyfriends abused her? Ah man she’s dangerous if you ask me. Can’t be messing around with fire unless you want to get burnt like a bitch."

I don’t know if I can talk about what they told me as it’s very upsetting and in all honesty, it makes me want to vomit and cry at the same time. All I knew is that I had to find out if it was true. I hoped it wasn’t as this would make everything a lot harder to deal with.