The Point Of Life.

Deadline

Today my project for philosophy is due. I fear going to school simply because I know I will see Alice today. For the past 2 weeks I’ve just sat in the library instead of going to philosophy. I get away with it because the school is aware that I am ‘unstable’ and need ‘personal space’ to calm myself down from the stresses of the world, well that’s what the councillor told the principle anyway. It’s probably around 60% true.

As I walk into philosophy class my teacher handed me a few sheets of work I’ve missed and says we’re about to present to the class and that I should sit next to my partner. I winced at the last part but turned to look at Alice whose gaze was burning through my back. She’s smiling but not a happy smile, you know? The smile people do when they’re about to blackmail you and they know you have nowhere to squirm free. She wore a light grey jumper and a light blue collar sticking out from underneath it. Her trousers were ripped slightly on her knees and you could see a tiny bit of her knees peeping through. I sat next to her, unsure what to say and so I just waited for the teacher to call my name as I was, by first name, the first person on the register.

"Aaric, would you like to come up and share your assignment with the rest of the class? You have 4 minutes to impress me."

My teacher was a short and rather sarcastic man, he insisted everyone called him Mr William even though his last name was Kolis. It confused me but not enough to question him on it. I stood up looking at him whilst dragging my feet to the front of the class. I could hear my heartbeat through my ears and it slowly drowned out the sound of everything around me.

"What’s the point in life by the perspective of Alice Hunter." I took in a deep breath and tried to think of what I could say about Alice and as I exhaled I said whatever came to my mind first.

‘Alice Hunter believes that the point in life is to be beautiful and to feel love, whether its loving someone or being loved. She loves the attention to scold her mind in an attempt to lessen the pain that love  won’t calm her down. You see, she’s scared of life. For example she runs in the rain in an attempt to keep her previously straightened hair dry even though eventually it will get wet again. But with any sign of rain she gets scared that she’ll drown in it, that all that she loves will get washed away. She forgets that love is just a chemical reaction and in comparison to the universe it’s meaningless.

I know deep down she thinks there’s more to life than just love. She wants to love. She wants to emerge herself in someone else in hopes of becoming one living organism with them so she won’t feel so small compared to everything else. She wants to be beautiful to show the universe that she is a part of it, that although she doesn’t compare to the mass and physical size of the moon she still wants to reflect some kind of light that will make her be seen. She wants to be seen because the truth is she’s so terrified of what the actual meaning of life is. She’s terrified that if she isn’t remembered or loved or a part of someone else that she will be invisible. And that’s the sad irony Alice faces; no matter what, in scale to the universe, the galaxies we are yet to discover and other dimensions of life she’s so small it makes her invisible. She’s scared that she’ll be the only person to see herself. But there’s so much more to life than being noticed and loved, she just revolves around it too much to notice anything else. And I’m not saying this in a rude or hypocritical way I’m saying it in a way a doctor might tell a patient that they won’t live, that they will be destroyed in a slight attempt to survive against Mother Nature.

But with all of this said it’s not what Alice is currently staying alive for. She stays alive to view the beauty of the world, to listen to her favourite bands repeatedly in an attempt to understand them as if she knew each member personally. She takes notes on the world to understand it so she can live with it and coexist with its beauty along with hers too.

In conclusion Alice thinks the point in living is to be a part of beauty or to actually become beauty but she stays alive to understand beauty. It’s a paradoxical idea but it’s one that most people also believe in."

I looked up from my piece of paper only to see my whole philosophy class glaring at me in mostly confused facial expressions and amazement. I looked at my teacher who sat close by and he said nothing for a moment but his eyes were wild with questions. I looked at Nara who had a tear rolling down her cheek. She didn’t look happy or sad. She simply looked at me blankly, like I had figured out her whole existence and thought process out from less than 5 conversations between us. She seemed satisfied that someone understood her. The moment lasted so long that for a while I wondered if I had actually slowed down time. And in a rush of claps and moving to my seat Alice was gone. I hadn’t seen where or even in which direction she left but I just saw that she wasn’t where she was a few seconds ago. My teacher continued to thank me for my insightful presentation and I sat with my eyes looking at the floor, trying to figure out why Alice left.