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"Okay, let's go over it one more time," Connor says as he fiddles with his sweatshirt string. "License?"
"Check," I respond as I peer into my bag.
"Wallet?"
"Check."
"Research papers?"
"Yes. Got em'."
"Kiss?"
I look over at him and smile. "Forgot that one," I say as I lean over the center console and press my lips to him. It's going to be weird being away from him. The only time we're really apart is if we go to visit our families separately or at work. I'm really am going to miss him, even if it's only a week. I'll miss his warmth, and his perfect jawline, and how he hugs me perfectly from his tall height. I caress his cheek with my thumbs. "I'm gonna miss you."
"I'm gonna miss waking up to you every morning. You and your salty skin," He says with a smile, bringing his lips to mine once again. "But it's not forever. And you're gonna kill it out there and come home and brag to me and then we can have amazing sex."
I shove him away with a smile, although that part I am excited for. I open the door to his car and pull out my luggage from the backseat. "Love you," I call out. I hear him say it back as I walk into the airport ahead of me.
* * *
Long flights give me plenty of time to think which is what I do best (and worst). We took off an hour ago and even though it's one a.m. our time and most people on the flight are asleep, I'm wide awake. This week has been exhausting and I should want to sleep it off, but it's given me too much to think about.
The other night, Connor and I got into what I would call a fight, but wasn't really a fight. We honestly don't fight, like at all. Sometimes, one of us will get frustrated and it will delve into a small argument, but I genuinely can't recall us having a serious fight. Which is why what happened the other night wasn't technically a fight but felt like one in my eyes.
The thing about Connor is that he's too selfless for his own good. The man has been dating me for six and a half years and never once complained about my issues or the moods I get into sometimes or my insecurities.
But, he's a human being and if you're twenty-six years old with a stable job lined up and a girlfriend that you have been dating for six years and love to death, you probably think about marrying her a lot. And then if you're girlfriend gets uncomfortable and scared by the mere thought of marriage, I can imagine it probably gets pretty fucking frustrating. He usually doesn't show it. He's always been fine taking things slow and going at my pace, but the other day, he brought it up when we were cooking dinner and I just froze up.
He really only made a joke about proposing, but I felt my body shiver with fear and tense up. It's something I can't control, a part of me that I hate but one that consumes me nonetheless.
