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My hands are shaking. I have the book in my hands and I want nothing more than to throw it out the window of this taxi. Looking at it makes me so angry.
You can imagine how angry you might feel upon reading this book and learning that the life you dreamed of with the boy you loved so deeply could have happened had he simply told you the truth or came to you instead of assuming you were happy with a boy you only knew for two months. Don't get me wrong, I love Connor completely and with my whole heart now, but back when we started dating it was different. I was hesitant, still heartbroken and confused.
Getting to know Connor, I started to realize that I could love him, but it wasn't so easy in the beginning. If Greyson had come up to me in those early months, I have no doubt I would have gone right back to him. It took at least a year and a half after Greyson left me for me to actually let Connor into my life. Sure, we were dating, but it took me such a long time to tell him about Greyson, about Logan, about everything that happened in my life. It was so hard for me to open my heart up to him.
God, I wish I never walked into that bookstore. I wish that I never came to New York. I was so content with my life, happy even without the closure. I wanted closure, but I feel like I could have eventually married Connor without it. Now? I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do. It's not like I can go back to Greyson, even if I wanted, which is not to say I do. I'm just saying I couldn't because he's getting married in a few months and he lives far away from me and I have a boyfriend of seven years. This can't work.
So why am I stepping out of a taxi at his apartment building? I don't know to be entirely honest. It's very possible that I'll get up to his apartment and fall apart. Or maybe Taylor will answer the door and I'll really fall apart.
I'm lucky enough that someone is leaving the building right as I walk in so after checking the call box and finding his apartment number, I make my way towards the elevator. As I make my way to the 8th floor, everything really starts to sink in. Tears start to well up in my eyes and I'm clutching the book so hard, the veins in my hand might pop out. When I exit the elevator, I scan the hall until I land on 817, his apartment. I feel like I have to throw up. I knock on his door, still unsure of what I'm going to do when someone answers.
Then he opens the door.
"Jo?" His eyes dart down to the book in my hand. "Jo."
The tears fall fast from my face like they were just sitting there waiting for their time to shine. "Are you kidding me, Greyson? You wrote a book about me? You wrote a fucking book about me? About us?" I say angrily through my hot tears. "You can't fucking do this. You can't come back into my life after you left me."
"Jo, let me explain."
"How do you explain this? There's nothing to explain. You wrote it all right here!" I shout, holding the book up. "You should have told me. Why didn't you fucking tell me? Why didn't you just tell me, Greyson? I wouldn't have to be standing here yelling at you if you had just told me. Why didn't you just tell me?"
